Coffee With Dan

A little bit of motivation for those that might need it this Monday

Was talking to a friend this morning; they are in a situation that is a bit ‘meh’ – now it’s always hard coaching friends, but I did my best

Theirs background is – how can I put this – a little ‘checkered’ and they have (by their own admission) made a few wrong moves

But haven’t we all?

Humans but their very nature like things to stay the same – change brings the possibility of danger from an evolutionary standpoint

But equally change can bring fucking AWESOME things; new people, new opportunities, new connections, new adventures

Don’t be defined by your past or what you THINK you can’t do; focus on what you can change and just GO FOR IT

You never know what might happen and trust me it’s way more good than bad

Best of luck to you and the rest of your Monday 😘

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Being grateful for what you have (reposted from personal wall, felt like sharing here)

This is the handwriting of a 32 year old woman. My sister to precise, and mentally she is somewhere between 4 and 10 years old

Why am I sharing this?

Am I trying to get some sympathy for her or my situation?

Am I balls?

You see I was going though my post (I still have some of delivered to my old home address – lazy little sod I know) and totally missed this card from my sister

She likes to write me notes – and all she wants from life is to spend time with me, go to her club/disco and buy clothes

Like having a permanent little sister

There are many opportunities in life that quite frankly she simple won’t have

[Side note – she appears to have some sodding genius level ability with computers. One Christmas she was in her room quiet for too long (always a bad sign!) and she had somehow hacked into my Dad’s iTunes account and downloaded £400’s worth of songs. Dad wasn’t happy but I was strangely proud]

Anyways

There are times that I have thrown myself a little ‘pity party’ when something hasn’t gone my way, fallen though or been let down/pissed off – am sure you have too

And thats ok, you’re allowed to 🙂

But when I see my sister, get a note from her like this or am reminded of her I realise I really need to shut the fuck up.

I have a functioning brain

I have a body that works (but is far too sodding hairy!)

I am allowed to live by myself – i don’t need a carer or to be kept safe because I don’t know a situation would harm me

I have my freedom

Anna won’t be able to have these to a large degree, and quite frankly I realise how lucky I am to simply be in a position to live and influence my life in any way I choose

Im 100% in control of my own destiny

Become a multi-squillionaire?

Down to me

End up with fuck all, homeless, alone

Whatever

Also down to me

Sometimes its worth thinking about how lucky YOU are to be fully in control of your mind, thoughts, business, body, relationships, friendships

Because one of the things that breaks my heart is that she will never be able to experience many of the things that I am fortunate enough to do

Even just being able to go to the shops and buy something is something that Anna can’t do safely

And yes, she is the reason I will continue to push my body and sanity to its limits to achieve a level of success as I want to make sure that she is safe when we are older

We are all – in our own way – lucky fucks

We are alive

We can make shit happen

And we can make a difference – IF we want to

No real point to this post – no rallying call to action, rousing ending or salient take away points

Nowt

(and yes she will get to see this as even though she doesn’t have a Facebook account, mum will show her this)

Just after opening this today what a lucky bastard I am and felt like sharing

End of

PS APPENDUM FOR COFFEE WITH DAN FUCKS – don’t need any sympathy or that shite, just wanted to share my musings as this hit me quite hard – in a good way especially after all the donations you guys have made to springboard/charity that helped her

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Your network is your net worth’ as tired a cliche as it is…

…is true

Having a strong network of folks who are more successful than you, peeps who are doing the same (but kinda different) and ladies/gentlemen/gender neutral pronouns who want to buy your things and stuff

= rather spiffing

Free:

I’m going to address the peeps to sell your wonderful wares to on another day

But here are sublime shortcuts to get ahead with successful, influential or socially savvy individuals

This post is somewhat of a ‘buffet’ of ideas; the first section is free methods (that may take a bit of effort) and the second section are paid methods

Pick and mix as you see fit daily, and I’ll give you a some actions to take if you see fit 🙂

– read their content and leave meaningful comments that show you have absorbed and going to take action (‘I needed this’ as a FYI = sucks balls)

– share their content and tag them, and explain to your peeps why they should read

– send them a testimonial of how you have used their content to achieve X or Y

– if you run groups or have an email list, offer them a chance to promote/share their content

– find out what they are into and send them links, forward emails etc

– an opportunity that could make them £/see someone who could use their help; introduce them, broker a discussion, tag em in

********

Paid:

– BUY THEIR SHIT

^^^ THE FASTEST WAY TO THE TOP

Honestly investing in someone’s products and services is THE way to get attention

As with anything (as a rule) more you invest = more their attention you get

I’ll use myself as an example:

But my book?

I’ll thank you

Invest in ‘Espresso with Dan’ I’ll coach you and take you seriously

Spend £1000+

Either over time (be a long term EWD member), have a call with me, be a private client or consulting client

You have my attention

I really hope I don’t come across as a cock womble but time IS precious and as I get older more so; hence the more you invest with me

Then more of my life (because that’s what it is) attention and help I’ll offer you in return

Equally I’ve had people offer to throw money at me; but I find that vulgar – if you think you can ‘buy me’ and in turn control me?

Well….

Le jog le fuck le on

This is true of most successful peeps I know

Anyways, here’s a few other paid methods that I have seen work

– find out personally what they love, but it and send it to them

– know their spouse/parents/siblings/children like a thing? Send it to them

– hand written letters and small thoughtful gifts

– invest and through their paid products, coaching, books (whatever) do what they say, share the results socially and offer a testimonial

– donate to a charity or cause that means a lot to them

– offer them experiences and cool shit that may be hard to do (or simply sweet and thoughtful) that they wouldn’t normally be able to do

– be hot 🤣

********

The free and paid options aren’t exhaustive, alas I am exhausted and these are the best ones that I know

Some advice:

– tenacity is good, annoying isn’t; if you think you’re being a dick? You’re probably right 😉

– do WITHOUT expecting; if you do any of the above and get ‘butt hurt’ that you don’t get what you want? That’s on you

– peeps who have done ‘OK’ are often some of the most kind and generous people who want to give people a leg up. They are also people who miss messages, forget to read emails and have shitty days. People are people no matter how ‘baller’ they are

*******

Some actions to take

1) think of someone you would like to connect with deeper or ‘get the attention’ of; DON’T play small – you will be limited by your own perception of who wants to hear from you

(You don’t have to share who it is)

2) pick a method you would like to do from the above, or a strategy you would like to adopt; FYI the free ones take longer

3) think how you can take the idea or approach and make it different; what are you going to do and most importantly WHEN are you going to do it

4) do it lol

Remember;

Shy kids don’t let sweets

Good luck

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The Dark Side Of Success

Someone made a great point in CWD the other day

The nutshell version was that they were chasing the ‘6-figure lifestyle’ and as result their happiness and health suffered as a result.

I would like to say it goes further than that.

When you work a ‘9-5’; you clock off – do the commute home – and as a rule, thats it to till the next day.

Some of us, the very ‘special’ types pursue the entrepreneurial lifestyle – lets face it; its very alluring:

The freedom…

The money…

The success…

But many who reach the upper echelons of this world, the ones who don’t have robust psychology of the sociopath, experience different emotions.

Could you imagine lying on the floor, crying, when all that you want is your mum…ESPECIALLY when you have more money than you could possibly need…

Exactly, who feels sorry for a prick like that eh?

Personally, I wouldn’t of given two shits about that person in a previous life…but then I became that person.

I chased my **dream**, more aggressively than anyone I have ever known; as a result I lost friends, my partner, my abs (you could see them in the good light in the bathroom, I swear), and to a degree – my sanity.

You see what no-one wants to talk about in this world is the profound and deep psychological impact chasing the entrepreneurial dream can have on a person.

No one prepares you for it

Guess what, if you make it, no-one gives a shit either

Sure they want they money, the connections, the ‘fame’ – but no one tells you the price you have to pay.

The piper needs to be paid, and he doesn’t give a flying fuck how you feel – and neither will anyone else.

When you are making your way up the greasy success pole, its natural to look at those above/further ahead of you and kinda hate them a bit…I know because yeah, I did too.

Its human

(don’t feel bad)

But, if you keep going – and you get where you want to be – you start to notice some things:

Good friends in your industry/peers start to resent you for your success – in fact people you would of gone to bat for suddenly vanish from your life.

Sad eh?

I know it was for me

😞

Then there is the feeling you are never good enough.

You can be invited to all the industry bashes, stage events, JV’s and christ knows what – but there is still that little voice at the back of your mind that tells you that you are never good enough, that you’re not worthy, you’re a fraud, and you shouldn’t be ‘here’.

Guess what.

That never goes

I’ve been fortunate enough to hang around a lot of up and coming entrepreneurs; the amount of alcohol & drug abuse, risky sexual behaviour, anger, sadness, rage and un-fullfillment – along with ruined relationships – I have seen is more common than you think.

‘fuck you Dan, that’s B.S.’

Fair comment

To those solid souls who don’t succumb to numbing vices, seem to find themselves working the most crazy of hours – i have more than one well known entrepreneurial friend that is vice free, but has hospitalised themselves with auto-immunes diseases, stressing health issues.

Its all to common to think the grass is greener, and to an extent it is (‘in a way’) – but if you are going to go full-bore into this world (and Im not saying this will happen to you), you need to be aware of the pitfalls as well as the prizes.

As an entrepreneur, your brain is one of the most prized assets you have – yet its also one of the things that is likely to take a nose dive.

The mental health of folks like us is – from my observations only (and I wouldn’t be so vulgar as to make a medical diagnosis) – often an afterthought.

We push, hustle, grind, 24/7, non-stop, work.

Its in our blood.

Thing is, we can eat the best foods, take all the supplements in the world, meditate to our hearts content, cut down on red meat, ditch the booze – you name it….but if we don’t take care of the the 8-12lbs that rests upon our neck?

We are as good as fucked.

There is such a huge stigma (especially in the UK from what I have seen) when it comes to psychological issues. The idea of speaking to a therapist is an anathema to many of us in Blighty

(you Yanks have us beat in that regard)

But I ask you, would you rather have a trained professional help you though issues, or would you rather suffer in silence?

Imagine if you break your arm and even when all and sundry can see it is bent out of shape tell people:

‘I’m fine’

Course you fucking wouldn’t.

Yet when it comes to feelings such as:

anxiety
Depression
Low self esteem
Fear

So many people simple bottle that shit up; which results in some REALLY bad shit later down the line from what I have seen.

I used to be the same

All alpha

Im tough, I don’t get sad – fuck that

‘gay’

Etc

Yet, when I found myself drinking a litre ‘o’ goose every night to avoid the feelings that I was having…it took me close to a year to realise that that ain’t normal…and Goose is bloody expensive. 😉

So I reached out

Its a damned sight harder than you think…in fact harder than anything I have ever done before.

To tell your partner, family, friends, that you don’t feel right in the old noggin (ESPECIALLY if you have – too all intents and purposes – everything you could ever want) is beyond hard.

But Implore you:

Don’t be like me

learn from my mistakes

If you don’t feel ‘right’ – reach the fuck out

It may feel uncomfortable, frightening or simply fucked up -but its better than finding yourself in your boxers, teary eyed, singing ‘hey jude’ on your balcony at 1am with a triple goose and ginger….not that thats happened to anyone I know…

^^^ see that?

I still can’t even admit that was me!

(wasn’t that hard to guess though…dick lol)

But it was me

At my lowest point

And quite frankly if it weren’t for my family, I didn’t think I had much to keep going for.

Selfish eh?

Well, no.

Sometimes, you can’t fix the shit thats going on in your head, stress ‘manifests’ (don’t) itself in many ways – the human mind is a complex fucker at best.

(hence if someone wants to ‘fix your mindset’ at least make sure they have some qualifications – they can do more harm than good if they don’t)

Sometimes you just need to out your hand up and say:

‘hey, can I get some help’

And thats OK

And if you’re cool A.F. and have the psychology on par with tempered steel, then I am truly envious and wish you the best

Blaze a trail of glory!

But if, at times, you are feeling backed into a corner….

That there is no way out….

Or you feel low, depressed or simply unhappy.

DONT suffer in silence

Reach out

Fuck, PM me if you have to – I may come across an an asshole, but Ive been there – and Ill probably still go there from time to time…

I know for a fact that if it weren’t for people offering a helpful hand, Im not sure where I would be now..

Its a tough path have chosen, it gets rocky at times – don’t talk it alone

Dan

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Time

It doesn’t matter how much you earn or how successful you are, Father Time cannot be cheated

I see so many people on here bickering and being shitty and wasting so much precious time and energy over complete bullshit that doesn’t even matter

I invested wisely in some ways

Wasted poorly in others

Made me realise what’s important and what’s not and that – moving forward what I will aggressively push towards…

…and equally retreat away from

If no harm is being done?

Live and let live

Because ultimately?

Life is precious

And life is short

The more I spend time online the more I realise that the world offline is where I need to invest as well as ‘double down’ on this people hat value me and visa versa online

Not wasting it on negative fuckery or with people who either add no value to our lives or just take take take

It needs to be spend people who value us

Respect us

And want to be with us

As I’ve gotten older I’ve realised that there are truly good people who even though aren’t in my life per second anymore or are ‘virtual’ (aka my digital brothers and sisters)

Still make the time to make the time when it matters

Equally there are people who proclaim to be there for you and when you need it

*crickets*

Shit like that used to get to me but now I realise it’s just people being people

No need to be angry

Just step forward and make peace with it

And my advice – which you can take or leave because, let’s just be honest – I’m just a dude from Facebook

Whether you are religious or not

Whatever your beliefs are

Our time on this planet is brief and can be cut short at any time

You have a finite investment ‘pot’ in your time

Invest wisely

Waste sparsely

Enjoy your time and your loved ones people of FB

And don’t forget to do what makes you happy

One roll of the dice

Don’t waste it

D

PS I posted this a year ago today when o went to see my Grandad for the last time

Popped up on memories and thought would be good to share here

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Fake lives
Fake businesses
Fake social media

Fake. Fake. Fake.

I’ve never hidden the fact that I have a unique brain

What I have (hypomania) has taken me years to get under control

It’s a blessing and a curse

One of the side effects is when I’m ‘up’; I can go days without sleep – or very little – have been existing on roughly 2/3 hours a day for 4 days I think now

During this time my mind simply revs faster and faster

I think things through, seemingly making 100’s and 1000’s or connections and solutions

I’ve found myself becoming tetchy during this time and needed a day or so to analyse what I was thinking and feeling

As much as fucking love social media; what it has done for my and so many people in my life

It’s a double edged sword

I see grandiose boasts…

Impossible things claimed as real…

Hollow platitudes with zero depth behind then…

Weak, watered down, copied content…

Fake bullshit everywhere

One thing I’ve tried to do is be as honest as I can; share the realities of last entrepreneurship and share freely

Highs and lows

Wins and losses

And I put my fucking all into what I do; I know I can sometimes be a bit blunt or flippant – but always meant with good nature and a nod towards infotainment

But I’m pissed

I’m tired of people talking such utter Shute on social media

Case in point

You want more?

I DO MORE

Fucking HUNDREDS of you wanted to do the content challenge

Only a handful of you actually show up and do anything (fair play to you for doing what you said you won’t do FYI)

Which is – of course – your right

I can’t make you

By the 4th day the lack of action showed totally demotivated me and I NEVER get that

Hence needed time to figure out why I was so pissed

And honestly it’s because I actually do give a flying fuck

But if your actions don’t match your words, then honestly you need to dial down your expectations from life

Because you won’t achieve anything close

How you do one thing?

Is how you do all things

You can kid yourself all you want

But if your not prepared to show up, do the work, and achieve what I truly believe everyone CAN achieve if they put in the time

Leave

Please just leave this group now

Because I want this group which will ALWAYS remain free – a promise I won’t break – to be filled with people who actually give a shit

I built a large part of my businesses and career on giving

The responses to questions and poss asking for help and advice in this group – from good people who need help – have been fucking dire

Those of you that take time to help your fellow humans?

I tip my digital hat to you

Fucking awesome

But to those who just take and take and take?

Again

Please leave

This is supposed to be a community of people who may not know either other outside the pixels of social media take toke time to be there for one another

By the main thing it’s about is GETTING SHIT DONE

If you are happy where you are in life and don’t want more money…

More time…

Or more freedom…

Then I’m truly happy for you and – really – would love to hear how you achieved those things

But if you don’t just want, but fucking DEMAND more from life?

SHOW THE FUCK UP

Don’t lurk…
Be helpful…
Contribute (yes you’re worthy)…
Don’t just take…

And the main thing?

Don’t be fake

And what I mean by that is don’t be in this group and say you are going to get shit done and then lie to yourself that you actually are

It doesn’t hurt me

I’m fine

It hurts you

This may all sound a bit harsh but fuck it; it’s my daft bearded face up there on the banner and if a few people get butt hurt because of his post BUT it lights a rocket under the rest of your asses

Worthy sacrifices

Entrepreneurship saved my life, secured my sisters future, got a home got my folks and through my work has helped hundreds of thousands of other

I get sad and angry and pissed off with people falling for fake shit and believing this world is easy

It’s not

It can be fucking brutal at times

But if you stay the course it’s the most rewarding thing you can do that can change lives

But I’m done with the bullshit

I’ll continue to show up
I’ll continue to do & create what I can to help
I’ll be here every god damn day

And I hope you will join me in showing up and doing the work

If you have been kidding yourself

I get it

I truly do

I did myself for so many fucking years

Believed all my lies
Believed all my hype

And it took a close friend to call me out on my fake assed actions as they didn’t match my words

It hurt
It stung
But it changed the course of my life

So in closing

This group will always be about you AND me; it’s a community and we are – as far as I’m concerned – in it together

But if you are here just to take, not be an active (no matter HOW small) member of this community, or want to kid me and you that you are doing the work you say you are

Please leave

No hard feelings

Really

And to those of you that actually want to get more out of this group, life, money, freedom – whatever it is that’s drives you

I look forward to seeing your honest asses tomorrow

You are worthy
You are valued
You will be supported

You have my word

Dan

PS if you are struggling, need help or advice ASK

I’ll ensure no one makes you feel stupid or any less important than anyone else

We are all equal; some of us just a little fitter ahead and have more skills

And for those of us in that category?

It’s our DUTY to help

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Show that you give a fuck with your actions

We live in a batshit world

Never have so many been so connected yet have felt so alone and under appreciated

It’s a truly mind blowing and brilliant time to be alive; but as I wander around observing life and speaking to humans I continually see couples and families nose deep into phones

Last few days?

I had Teggles down with me

When we went for a walk, breakfast, dinner, bowling, pedicure (and yes straight single men get their feet pampered lol)

My phone = stayed at home

One of the biggest (and cheapest) gifts you can give is your time, presence, thanks and gratitude

Today MAKE time to connect with YOUR humans

The humans that have your back..

The humans that make you smile…

The humans that love you unconditionally…

The humans that pay yore bills…

The humans that show you love – virtual or IRL…

A call
A text
A small gift
An offer of help
A thank you

Doesn’t matter

Today?

Make TIME

because it runs out faster than you think and one day you simply won’t be able to

Do it now

Let me know what you do and how it feels

Maybe even use this as an opportunity for reconnect with someone that has fallen by the wayside

Whatever IT is

Do IT today

Thank me later

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Do you ever feel like this?

Are you constantly looking at your posts and worried that you aren’t getting enough comments and likes?

Worried that what you post or email is going to ‘expose’ you somehow as a fraud or fake (even though you know your shit)?

Do you see people who you know aren’t as talented/skilled as you do better than you and it hammers you down?

Is there a constant fear that you simply aren’t good enough?!

Let me tell you something

EVERYONE feels like this at times, ESPECIALLY Entrepreneurs…

Fuck even I do, probably more often than you think!

I’m constantly trying to improve or better myself; as well as what I offer

When you start out it seems like everyone is better than you, and you look at people who are doing better than you and think

‘Fuck, I could never be like them’

Then you start to grow and things start to get better – you get traction and likes and sales

Good times

Shall I tell you what’s an absolute shit lord?

When you have been around for a little while

You’re no longer ‘new kid on the block’ (so you have lost that ‘bright shiny object’ side of things)

Yet you aren’t the ‘establishment’

You feel pressure to keep up with the new people who have entered your world, have to deal with the backstabbing and the gossip and people trying to bring you down…

(That last one is especially hard when it comes from people you trusted or once classed as friends…it happens)

…yet you haven’t quite made it to the point when your name and reputation can bring in the bacon day after day

Such is the world we have chosen

I would say it’s the curse of the entrepreneur to never feel like they are good enough…

Never satisfied…

Always wary of what’s going to ‘attack’ next…

It’s why I wanted to write this today

Most days?

I feel like I can crush pretty much anything (or, if needed, anyone)

But the downside of having what I have (a painfully good visual and emotional memory & hympomania combined, too long to explain here) is that I can’t unsee or unhear what I hear

Every single day I my mind whirrs; juggling the value I add, my competitors, my own inner monologue, some fucked up internal ‘rating’ against every single area of my life

It is – to be honest – both relentless and at times exhausting

It doesn’t stop

And after hitting high after high after high (epic new 121 client, getting my new book sorted, the amazing Free Shit Friday) – I thought

Fuck, what now?!

(And fortunately now sans vodka and with a Clear mind I can move this on fast, and I’ll share how I do it soon)

So if you are feeling like this?

Let me tell you this is fucking normal; I have been in a room when I was starting out with 6, 7 and even a few 8 figure earners

And over drinks and quiet conversations the self doubt and negative self talk is something all of us face

I wanted to share this here as many of you are stating out, and equally many you are valiantly trudging on in your journey

Yes it will be tough and yes there are times where you will doubt yourself, your worth and your ‘value’ to the world

I wanted to say you are not alone

I can teach you all social media skills, copywriting, sales, advertising – whatever

But if YOU don’t believe in yourself?

You’re fucked

I know this as there have been multiple times I have wanted to give up and if it weren’t for the support and belief of others…I likely would have

So yes use this group and its denizens to learn and skill up and connect and make money

But the power in this tribe is the fact you have TEN THOUSAND PEOPLE JUST LIKE YOU, to keep you going

Stay strong

You ARE good enough

You got this.

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Who are you – and would you like to find out?

This is me according to the 16 personalities test (which you can take here and would love to know your results/thoughts: https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test)

As you can see even the sum on the first page kinda sounds like me

But this test was a ‘light build’ moment for me a year ago (along with the KOLBE strengths finder)

Why?

Because I simply stopped focusing on the Shit I wasn’t good at

Me?
I’m ideas
I’m passion
I’m gut feeling
I’m energetic
I’m into people and connecting

Systems
Structure
Solitude

Less so

So I now know what areas I need to add in personally and professionally

This has helped me dial in who I am as a person as well as to recruit the right people into my world

Would love to see what this group is made up of – as well as my fellow oddballs!

🙂

Oh, it also gives you your idea personal match too – I’m suited to at INTJ apparently

So who are you then?

Was the test (also known as meyers-Briggs) right?

Anything give you an ‘aha’ or ‘fuck…’ moment?!

Have fun and try not to be too weirded out when it nails you!

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