Skint…brassic…tapped…struggling…fucked

Any of those seem familiar when it comes to money?

Most of us at one point or another have come to a point in our lives where cash has simply not been there

– far too much month at the end of the money –

For my?

My lowest was £22 to last me 6 weeks; and I’m going to share that journey with you today – and over the next two posts this little ‘saga’ will all come together nicely culminating in one of the most valuable lessons I can impart to you

(If you miss part #1, it’s in the announcements)

So anyway

£22

Can’t do much with that can you?

When I had my life completely turned upside down, my ego hammered and my confidence completely shot to shit?

That’s all I had to my name

It was a £10 note I had in my wallet and the various bits of change I found around the flat

I had to cancel every single thing that made me happy

Gym

Gone

Nights out

Gone

Cinema

Gone

Love film

Gone

There was more but I had to cancel every single thing that even made me slightly happy JUST to survive

Then I had to take stock of my ‘assets’

1 x tub of protein powder
1 x jar of marmite
1 x loaf of happy shopper white bread

That’s it

That was the entire of my food to last me 6 weeks – along with what I could get with £22

(The whole 6 weeks thing will make sense tomorrow, at the time I had no idea how long it would be until I got paid)

So froze most of the bread, rationed myself to 2 slices of marmite toast a day and two protein shakes

– it wasn’t much but it was something –

I still had (for now) a roof over my head, 17 days left until my mobile got cut off and electricity…I could work with that

Now before I go on there’s a phrase I heard yesterday on a podcast I think

‘An empty wallet, a hungry stomach and a broken heart teach us the most valuable lessons in life’

And NOW, looking back?

I can see they do

But when you are so fucking hungry…

You are exhausted from walking miles and miles
In the summer heat handing out CV’s by hand…

When all you want is burger or a beer – fucking ANYTHING for a moment of pleasure or happiness but all you have is a single slice of bread and spread at home to feed you…

You don’t just hate life

You don’t want to BE alive

You question yourself

You beat yourself up

You smash yourself in your head over and over again

Because at that time?

You feel like the biggest piece of shit failure ever

It’s truly hard to make yourself get up and do what needs to be done

At the time?

Spite
Pride
Fear

^^^ that’s what motivated me

Spite = I’ll show you fuck face, I’ll get back on my feet

Pride = I couldn’t go back home a failure

Fear = if I didn’t make it, my sisters future safety was fucked

So I got up

Washed my clothes every day by hand and using a bar of soap

Dried them on the window sill

And did what I could

Walked
Called
Knocked on doors
Blagged
Charmed

I refused to quit and with the fact I was going to be evicted in a few weeks as a motivator I just buried that voice deep down inside and walked

Every night I cried myself to sleep

Every fucking night

No one knew

No one cared

I just had to keep going because if I stopped to think for one minute

I’d crack

Shall I tell you what – for me – truly bought home how much of a failure I felt?

Iceland

(The frozen food store not the place)

Mum and Dad didn’t have much spare at all at the time – but they managed to send me £15 worth of food vouchers for Iceland

I went round with a calculator

Firstly was adding up the cost of the food and keeping it under 15…

…and secondly I was finding the cheapest, highest calorie foods I could

For me to be me?

My maintenance is around 2400/2700 calories a day

I was on 400 calories a day

Probably waking 5-7 miles a day – couldn’t afford a bus or tube – seeing what I could find for work as was legally limited and no one wanted what I was offering at the time

That ladies and gentlemen is tired
That ladies and gentlemen is skint
That ladies and gentlemen is the lowest I’d been

The big sad came every night and it was sheer willpower I managed to get out of bed and try ‘put on a brave face son’ as she used to say to me

It’s very hard to motivate yourself when you are that low, so I partitioned of £1 a week as a treat to try and keep me sane and give me something to look forward to

If I did a CV walk every day, and did at least 5 pitches

I was allowed my £1

Wanna know what it was

You’re looking at it

99p got you 5 hot wings and a can of tango

4pm on a Friday – the afternoon school special

So there I am each week, with all the kids – wiring up for 5 little bits of fried chicken and a can of orange drink

Sounds nuts doesn’t it?

But you have no idea how much that kept me going

If I did my 5 days then I had this epic treat that was the highlight of my week was all mine

I’d earned it
I deserved it

Mad eh?

And you wanna know what was the best day I ever had?

I found 50p near the gates of where I lived

Hidden near the post, had been there a little bit as was a bit filthy

I actually cried

Daylight

27 years old

Over 50p

Why?

Because I could go over the road and afford a Freddo chocolate bar

– it was the best day I had in weeks –

Scroll forward to today; I have a nice home, multiple businesses, 5-figure watches, sports bikes, jet skis, 5 star hotels, the book

Blah
Blah
Blah

Things
Stuff

But I NEVER forget that day I found 50p

And I never ever forget what it’s like to be so hungry you drink water to keep you full and try and ignore the pain you fell

I have been to the bottom

I have seen the depths

But I managed to rise up and – eventually – get back to the surface

It can be done
I’m literally nothing or no one special
I managed to – in my own way – make it

And as promised this trip down memory lane does have a reason that’s not for humblebragging or flexing purposes

My ass ain’t for kissing or blowing smoke up

(This is my past – it’s just a story – but one that shaped me)

Yes there is one reason that I needed selfishly for myself

– and what I ended up with last night was exactly what I needed –

But if you stick with me?

The pay off for you – I hope – will be a lesson that sticks with you for life

One more story to go:

One that involves stealing from bins, being spat on, a level of tiredness that I’ve never before or since experienced and doing things that I’m not proud of to survive

Then the big ‘reveal’ lesson wise – for you – on Friday

Thank you for reading