Have you ever been spat on?

Now before I go any further; for once this isn’t me being a kinky fucker

(I’ve dated a pornstar before so it’s safe to safe my tastes aren’t what you would call ‘vanilla’)

But outside of the bedroom?

I’ll tell you something

It’s perhaps one of the most degrading things to of happened to me

– I would rather of been punched –

But that’s for later in the story, let’s cycle back a bit

Now when I had my world ripped out from under me; then came the threats

– standard biz stuff I see now –

I was told I couldn’t legally work in that ‘space’ and I believed it

Frightened?

Yeah, I’ll hold my hand up and say I was

So as I said yesterday I was walking 4-7 miles every day in a heatwave, June, trying to find something I could do for work

Now you might of heard some of this in the book but here’s something I’ve never shared

Yep I’ve got into dept
Yep I’ve been fucked financially
Yep I’ve lost jobs

But I’ve never not been able to find work

And for the first and only time in my life?

I signed on

I realised that my efforts were getting my nowhere fast and I was simply too overqualified for retail jobs (they thought I would leave) and the fact I couldn’t talk about what happened was destroying my chances with anything more corporate

Rock
Me
Hard place

As someone who has NEVER asked for a handout in my life form the government it was a truly humbling moment

But I approached it as best I could

Managed to iron my suit as couldn’t afford to get it dry cleaned and booked an appointment

Now I don’t know if any of you have had to do this or go on ‘welfare’ of any kind

But its truly demoralising

For those of us who want to work
Want to add value
Don’t like to be a drain
Contribute and not take

Your ego takes a hammering

So off I go; 1040 am Monday in Hackney which was my nearest branch

There was already a queue

So I joined if and – brilliantly – I was the only one who was in a suit

(I couldn’t of stuck out more if I tried)

I was actually pretty nervous and keeping my wits about me; but thought Fuck it

Do the meeting
Get a job

Easy

Na

I filled in a form

Then I was told to go and apply for 3 jobs on a machine

I scrolled and scrolled and tried to find anything suitable for me

I went back to the desk

‘Can you help me I’m struggling to find some that I’d be a good fit for’

‘Do you want your job seekers allowance Mr Meredith? If you do come back when you have printed off 3 jobs and don’t come back until you have’

So I did

I signed a little form

And was told to leave

If it went well I’d have – I think – £92 for two weeks in two weeks time

It’s something eh?

What it did show me is for how many people this was all they did

Turn up
Sign on
Leave
Repeat

Some people were gaming the system and were open about it

Most were desperate for work and had been rejected over and over again

It was heartbreaking

I truly don’t know how they kept going

– I was a few weeks in and my confidence and self belief was starting to crack –

From memory I was down to maybe £10-12 now; so shit was getting tight

Had 1/3 loaf of bread left and some Chicago’s town pizzas, tuna and pasta

– maybe enough for a week –

So, once again, thought fuck it

I’m just gonna lie

Totally rewrote my CV to include a lot of bar work that – previously – I hadn’t done

I did have one ace up my sleeve

Had 2 years of doorwork and floor manager experience in a strip club and 6 months of bar experience

– that became years now –

Now let me explain something

Strip clubs?

Ain’t glamour

I ended up working in one when I was a PT up north

My first ever client was given to me and she was called faith, stage name Paige

Got her into wicker shape and she recommended me all her friends

(I was 23 with 10 strippers as clients I won’t lie it was a giggle)

But I never ‘touched the merchandise’ and was trusted they asked me to come work in the club as I was good with people, a big lump and – it turned out – epic and getting the girls more £££

So I went for a walk

I was in the square mile – full of rich, wanker bankers – there must be a strip club around here somewhere

Turned out there was

It’s that one over my shoulder on the top pic

So CV in hand, totally made up back story, got my ‘references’ to go along with it and memorised the lot and I walked in a pitched myself

(When I want to be I can be a charming mofo)

Got the job

Now Im a straight man
Have a high sex drive
Naturally been tested to have upper limit testosterone

Wanna be invisible?

Work in a strip club with people who are worth millions

Y’all ain’t shit

Now I’ll be open here

I was a very shy kid

Didn’t lose my cherry till late teens

Was pretty shy with women (I had no idea how to chat them up lol #blessyoungdan)

But I’d always done pretty well considering

When all this happened I lost my GF at the time because I was so depressed – I don’t blame her – I was like a zombie

She did try to help but I was a broken man and pushed her away

So thought maybe I would meet someone nice here

Fucking lol

As much as it pains me to say it – these ladies where here for money

– and I had fuck all –

But I was good at my job, worked the floor well and and was soon a popular member of staff that everyone seemed to like having around

(Plus if any of the dancers were dicks they got shitty customers lol)

Anyways

It was fucking exhausting

My day was like this

I’d get to work for 550 and wait round the back

See that shop there?

That was a Pret (sandwich shop)

If wait till they closed and hide behind a bin and then they would throw out the sandwiches that they didn’t want for the day

DANS TIME TO SHINE!

Bear in mind it was hot as fuck so I couldn’t wait long but after 5-10 mins their alarm would go off to signal the lock up and into the bin I would go

(Like I said yesterday I’ll do what I have to to survive)

Then it was humping crates, bar work, floor work, sealing with customers until 3am, then home for 5 am

And – BRILLIANTLY- we had roadworks EVERY MORNING at 8am

So I’d get 3 hours sleep

And maybe an hour around 2 or 3 as they went on from 8am to 6pm and no stopping

I was Fucked

But I needed the £££ and was allowed to work while my job seekers allowance came in

So I cracked on

Now if you have read my book

You will be familiar with the story of when I had to get knee deep in shit, literally – and that wasn’t the worst bit – but I’ll share it quickly

For those who haven’t heard it?

I’ll keep it brief before I get to the ‘pay off’ for this post

Nutshell version DO NOT FLUSH TAMPONS

🙂

Because they get stuck in something called an ‘eviscerator’ that chops up waste before going out and yours truly had to make a biohazard suit out of bin bags and climb in and stab it with a pole to dislodge it

If I didn’t?

Club wouldn’t open and I wouldn’t get paid

Do what you need to do eh?

So anyways it was a week later and Thursday night (#wankerbanker) night was our biggest

Total fucking douchebags hammering the expense account on Dance’s and drinks

One guy got a bit handsy

So I asked him to stop

I was super polite – they were big spenders – and simply said:

‘We want you to have fun but you know the rules you can’t touch the girls’

‘I can do what I want’ was his sneering reply

‘You can of course, but not here I’m afraid if you do it again I’m going to have to ask you to leave’

His retort?

He laughed

‘I earn more in a day than you do in a year, fuck off’

Then he looked

And spat on me

Just below my right knee

Like I was nothing

Me at full ‘Dan’

Would of smashed his fucking head in

Me with my confidence and self belief smashed

Just walked away

I was as low and as broken as I can remember being

Which brings me to the second pic

One of the girls saw this happen to me and came up to me and gave me a hug

She wiped the spit off my leg and gave me £10

‘We all love yoy here Dan that was horrible you didn’t deserve it. I know money’s tight got you right now treat yourself to a beer and some food on the way home…please let

I folded it up

Put it in my wallet and finished my shift

Ain’t no shame in admitting this but I went home and sat crying to myself

How had my life got this bad that I was spat on for fucks sake

At that moment – that exact moment – I made a vow

If I ever need to spend this £10

I’d give up

Not give up and go home

But I’d tap out
For good
No more dan

Literally death or glory (which that phrase is tattooed on my thigh but that’s a story for another day)

I didn’t want to give up so every day I would unfold that £10

‘If I spend you? I’m dead, your family need you so get the fuck out there and make it happen’

I said that every morning

Because even though I was close to cracking and truly the most tired I’ve ever been

Every day I would go out there and hustle interviews out of nothing

Eventually I got a job

My ass was saved

I quit the club eventually; was exhausting but saved my ass

I learned a lot about myself during this time

I found a resilience I didn’t know I had

A gear I’ve never used before kicked in

As a quiet shy kid I was tougher than I thought

I didn’t quit

I wanted to

I wanted to – at the time – not be here

100%

But I kept going and here I am now

And that £10?

Thats been with me every since – now encased on plastic to keep it safe

It’s not been spent

I’m still here

It’s a daily reminder (it’s always in my eyeline everywhere I go) that I have hit rock bottom

And I made it back up

The whole point of this series was me sharing a story of me looking for ‘something’ and seeing if my past could help me connect to my future

– and more importantly my present –

I found what I was looking for

Tomorrow?

I’ll share it with you

Some of you?

Might be ‘turned off’ by what I’m gonna say

And that’s ok

But honestly I think what I’m going to share we ALL need to hear and be reminded of

Once again, thank you for reading

See you tomorrow