A Story Of Reconnection In A Disconnected World – Part 4 of 4
by DanM in Blog Post No Comments
I am pleased to finally share with you the final piece
When I started out writing this – I wanted to share with you the ‘breakthroughs’ I had from taking a trip down memory lane where back to where I lost it all
If you missed those?
This all started out with me feeling – as Teggles is want to say- ‘some type of way’
Business was good…
Health was good…
Life was good…
But I felt there was something missing and something that I felt I needed to reconnect with and get clarity on
And I promised you that this final piece would be the ‘pay off’ for you
But I hit a wall
This last piece has been one of the hardest pieces for me to write and as someone who is a prolific content creator?
I am not used to being ‘stumped’
Thats when I asked you what if you could wave the proverbial ‘magic wand’ what you would like to make you happy
(If you would like to see what people shared, this was the post imaginatively noted as post ‘#3.5’: https://www.facebook.com/groups/coffeewithdan/permalink/2465491273569191/ )
For those of you that took the time to reply?
I thank you
It gave me the inspiration to wrap this up in a way that – I feel – is befitting to the time you have taken to read this far
There is something about truly reconnecting with your past that is both incredibly grounding, and powerfully transformative IF you allow your subconscious to do its thing…
…and take the time to process the thoughts and feelings you have
As you read, I went down to pretty much nothing:
My confidence was shattered…
My ego had taken a savage beating…
I felt like I was totally ’invisible’ and had let everyone – including myself – down…
…At that point in my life I felt like a total failure
But that was some time ago and I have achieved so much since then its been insane
As you may of noticed with my writing, I do struggle to show off some of my successes as when others struggle, It can – if not written correctly come across as either vulgar or a bit of a ‘humblebrag’
– Im just not about that life –
But I think its important to be honest and open where I am now, especially seeing how far I fell and where Ive come from
The next bit might make some of you think ‘fuck you Dan’
And thats OK
I know when I was in the shit I looked at successful people and there were more than a few negative emotions
But if you think that?
Just remember where I once was and bear with – because it will all make sense as this comes to a close
As I write this, Im looking out to sea from my beachfront home, wearing a £13K watch, with a selection of fast-as-fuck, best-you-can-get toys to play with once this is written
I have been able to pay off my parents mortgage
I have more money than realistically I can spend
I have multiple businesses, a multi-country best selling book and clients all over the world
I don’t cook for myself
I don’t clean for myself
I am able to provide care and support for my family as/when needed
I have a team that handles all the things I’m not good at that
I have a job that makes a difference and that I love
I have more time than I know what to do with sometimes
This is not me just showing off, they are simply facts
I have achieved more than I thought I ever would:
– launched a business generating £330,000 in 48 hours
– partied at the Playboy mansion with Branson
– Wrote a book that has sold hundreds (yes hundreds) of thousands and changed countless lives
– co-headlined my own event with Gary V
– had the #1 book and podcast in multiple categories for TIME (not 1-day wonder ‘hacks’)
– dated models, actresses, porn stars and women realistically way out of my league (alright there were some bad choices in there too but you know #YLOL
– been all over the world and had all manner of adventures
– raced sports bikes at Silverstone
– run multiple businesses with often nothing more than a mobile phone
^^^ these are just the ones that come to the top of my mind
Think I’m a dick?
Well, thats your right (and I’ll be coming back to all of the above at the end – I think you’ll be surprised)
But just over 10 years ago I was hunting for food out of bins and being spat on while I contemplated ending my own life
Every single thing I have, own, or have achieved
It was down to me
Of COURSE I had help with teams and mentors and coaches and other epic humans that have been part of my journey
There have been no hand outs
There are not rich relatives
There has been no investment
Its been credit cards, hard work, trading time for ££££ and being prepared to make a sacrifice to achieve a life that I didn’t think I would have and WITH NO GUARANTEE IT WOULD WORK
Its hard to sacrifice for a future you that doesn’t exist, and with no idea when or sometimes IF it will work out
Back when I was totally in the shit?
The LAST thing I wanted to do was work – fuck I didnt even want to get out of bed!
Thinking and feeling that you are the biggest piece of shit failure ever is one of the most horrid experiences because its just you VS your own thoughts
Those thoughts make you want to curl up, hide from the world and often simply not exist
But I did and Im lucky to be here now to tell you the tale from, right now, a pretty good position
For me the ‘pull’ of my sisters future meant I couldn’t quit – I didn’t have a choice
Many of you have the same things with family and dependants or debts or health or whatever ‘reason’ you need to keep going
For me that was a big one
Yes there were a few ‘false starts’ but when I eventually got into my groove
But I got lost a good few years ago
The money and success got to my head; I started to chase fame and shiny things and £££ for the sake of it
It nearly broke me
Because I wasn’t happy
Everything I did was to fill the hole inside me that felt I wasn’t good enough, wasn’t lovable and was a failure
I worked harder and harder to make more and more and what did it get me?
An alcohol problem, a life that felt ‘hollow’ and it lost me the love of my life
I was completely disconnected and – this will sound insane – I hated who I was
I was helping all these people…
Doing valuable work (really)…
I had the things and the stuff and was able to give money away freely…
But I was at a loss as to who I was – I hated the ‘me’
I worked so fucking hard that where I thought being able to flash the cash around that I had never had would keep my (at the time) long term GF happy and make up for the fact that my folks and sister never saw me
I didn’t like who I had become but everyone else was so happy and I had the money I had always craved so I thought
‘Fuck it, who gives a fuck about me anyways’
So I kept working…
And I kept ignoring the feelings…
And I kept spending and partying and living the life that a ‘nobody’ like me should never ever have
You would of thought 2 little heart attacks would make me reconsider my lifestyle choices?
Na, I didn’t give a fuck
He could live or die as far as I cared
I didn’t even expect to make it that long, let alone be a success, so fuck it – Ive changed/saved lives, made a difference
If I go now?
Who gives a shit
But thats how it was
There were people in the ‘PLANET DAN’ world, my mentor, a few friends who stuck by me when it got tough
(When you make it – and Im sure in your own way you will – you will be AMAZED at the amount of people who you classed as friends turn their back on you, or try and stab you in yours)
It was hard for them
It was hard for me
But they stuck by me, gave me the help and support I needed, and I got through it
That was some years ago now, and Im happy to say such episodes (along with the alcohol) are a thing of the past
You might be thinking:
‘Whats this got to do with the previous story’
Well, I’m coming to that
The whole point was to how you the highs and lows of my journey
I started out with something
Then I lost it all
Then I made it all back 10-fold
Then I nearly lost it all again
Then I made it even bigger and better than before
The last few years have been stable and steady
No new book
No crazy new products
No massive tours
Slow, steady, consistent work
I had to prove to not only myself but those around me that they had ‘backed the right horse’
And I like to think I’ve done that
The last few years have been – give or take – all about reconnection
With who I am, what I stand for, and what I want to do with my life
And ya know what?
All the shit I listed above (the £££ and the things and the stuff and the selfies and the baller lifestyle)
Won’t make you happy
If you think it will?
I implore you to find out for yourself
In fact I truly hope everyone makes it at a crazy level just once because it will help you find out who you truly are
Because for most of my life?
I wasn’t happy
I had never felt worthy
I’d always felt like an outsider looking in
Wanna go one layer deeper?
I used to think if I was hit by a bus right there and then, bar my family – would anyone really care?
Felt like that for a long time and I thought the success and things and stuff would fill that void inside
And the more I tried to fill it with stuff?
The darker and deeper it got to the point where I nearly destroyed everything
Which brings me back to the trip to London, and this picture and what I’ll be sharing with you
When you get a level of success, life is easier
You don’t have to worry about bills
Shit you don’t like doing you pay other people to do
You have way more time on your hands than you ever expected to
All of which is fucking awesome
But if you chase money and fame and success ONLY, at some point in your life, you are going to come crashing down
I know so many wealthy people who did JUST this and they fucking hate themselves and their lives
I went to London because life HAS been relatively easy for a good few years now and I needed to reconnect with the struggle because THATS where my strength came from.
Going over the edge into the abyss and dragging myself out the other side shaped me into who I am today.
Its what I need to tap into once more to be able to best guide you through whatever shit life has thrown at you.
If you truly give a fuck, you need to be able to empathise with those at all levels.
And not be one of those ivory tower bell ends with an instaperfect feed and no grasp of what the real world is like.
…because everyone at every level has shit going on.
The Dan of today?
Very different to Dan back then.
I needed to put myself back in time to anchor myself with who the ‘new’ Dan is
What do I want from life?
Its pretty simple:
To bring people together
Help others achieve a better business and life
Connect people in a disconnected world
Have fun doing it on my own terms
Make a difference
I want to have enough money so my family can have a life they deserve, I can have some fun (and never hang up my own washing #fuckthat) and that I have plenty left to invest in making the world a better place
What I’ve learned is
ALL the toys
ALL the £££
ALL the sex
ALL the flash holidays
ALL the ‘fame and followers’
ALL the selfies with famous people
ALL the shit
WONT MEAN SHIT, if you aren’t happy – and however long I am left on this planet; I want to make as many people happy as I can
I’m not about to tell you to give up on big goals, sell all your possessions and live a life of monk.
Fun AND profits
Pleasure AND purpose
Achieving more than you ever dreamed of AND enjoying the journey along the way.
Creating opportunities to see, do, feel, experience everything you’ve ever wanted
That’s what I want for you.
Because those who strive to achieve more in life? You are my people.
Not people who are happy to settle for a life that’s “meh”. Always waiting for the weekend to roll round so they can take a couple days off from the life they hate.
And DEFINITELY not the Crispin’s and Tabitha’s of life who had every little thing handed to them on a plate and look down on normal people like a piece of filth on the bottom of their shoes.
People like you who know the struggle and have the heart and courage to take on what life throws at you.
Who go on through the ups and downs.
Playing the hand you’re dealt whatever that looks like.
And working harder than anyone else around them balancing business, relationships, family and more.
Because when you finally get there financially AND you’ve nailed the happiness thing?
The pay off is truly spectacular.
Ive realised my gift (for want of a better phrase) is not just bringing people together but helping them DO more, ACHIEVE more and BE more than they ever thought they could
And I’m fucking good at what I do
The vehicle that is entrepreneurship is one I have driven for many years and I know what Im doing
I want to help them to earn what they need to earn, do what they need to do and be who they need to be so they CAN be happy whether that be an extra £1000 a month of a 7-figure empire
That choice is down to you, how hard you want to play the game and what you are prepared to gamble to make it happen
It can happen
But to achieve that?
To a degree, you are going to have to struggle and you are going to have to sacrifice
Change (especially from a place of ‘im fucked’) isn’t easy
Its going to take time
Its going to take effort
I truly believe you CAN have it all, but if theres one thing Ive learned from all my highs and lows is that if you want something that you dont have?
You are going to have to work for it
There are sacrifices that need to be made
But heres the brilliant thing, its not forever
– it really isn’t –
If you TRULY give it your all you can massively change your life
People think it weeks and months whereas they should be thinking in YEARS
Is that sexy?
Is it fuck
But would you like to have an amazing life with an abundance of cash and opportunities and fun and adventure
Well, you can
But you’re going to have to work for it
And you are going to have to work when you don’t want to…
You are going to have to do things that you don’t want to do…
You are going to have to make sacrifices to get ahead…
And when the work is done, you will – in time – be amazed at what you can achieve
You are going to experience highs and lows and probably question yourself more than you think
You will – eventually – get all that you desire
But always remember why you are doing it, what you are doing it for and whats truly important to YOU
Which brings me to this picture
I love my family
But for a long time I was disconnected to them due to the fact I thought my only worth was work and to work
Hence Ive spent the last few years reconnecting on a deeper level with them because – quite frankly -they are fucking awesome
We have endured Dads’s cancer, Anna’s liver tumour/broken neck and all manner of life stuff
But we got through it
And I love them more than anything; the sacrifices I made allow me to help them and be there for them and spend time with
Yes there were some years in the wilderness, but Im back now
^^^ three things that I wasn’t for a long time
Connecting with who you are, what you stand for and what you belief in is something that is crucial to not only success in business but success in life
We all lose our way at times; we chase the shiny objects, the £££, the success – and we should
But we must remember who we are and what we stand for
Thats the ‘North Star’ to a fulfilling life
Its why I wanted to reconnect with that Dan because this is who I am
I give a fuck, I really do
Sure I have my off days; the ‘big sad’ comes to visit me from time to time and I do/say dumb shit
I am human
I fuck up
But I equally am – at 39 – the most sure of who I am, what I believe in, and what I want to achieve from my life
If you already know that?
Thats fucking fantastic
If you don’t?
I didn’t for a long time
But work on it; because when you find it it will change your life
Well, fuck knows lol
I promised the ‘big pay off’ and it ended up being a monster; it has been hard to write and Im sure some will think I’m a twat over posting this
Is what it is
But I feel its important to be as honest as we can with those of use that choose to invest their time, money or energy in us – especially when its so easy to ‘fake it’ online
Thats how I felt
That what I did
Thats what I am
And I wanted to thank you – however you came into my world – for being a part of it
I will continue to do what I can to serve you as best I can
I will fuck up at times – but we all do
Last week helped me remember why I do what I do on a deeper level, and I wanted to say thank you for placing your trust, time and efforts in me
Its appreciated more than you know
So thats it
My story from fuck all, something, nothing something and beyond
If nothing else I hope its showed you what can be done by an ordinary chap who decided he wanted more from life
If you have enjoyed reading this, or got value from it – its been a bastard to write but I hope its been useful
I’d be grateful to hear what you got from this, and I’m happy to answer any questions you might have
Thank you once again for reading
Means a lot
Wirte, Blogger, Entrepreneur.
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