The Dark Side Of Success
The Dark Side Of Success
Someone made a great point in CWD the other day
The nutshell version was that they were chasing the ‘6-figure lifestyle’ and as result their happiness and health suffered as a result.
I would like to say it goes further than that.
When you work a ‘9-5’; you clock off – do the commute home – and as a rule, thats it to till the next day.
Some of us, the very ‘special’ types pursue the entrepreneurial lifestyle – lets face it; its very alluring:
But many who reach the upper echelons of this world, the ones who don’t have robust psychology of the sociopath, experience different emotions.
Could you imagine lying on the floor, crying, when all that you want is your mum…ESPECIALLY when you have more money than you could possibly need…
Exactly, who feels sorry for a prick like that eh?
Personally, I wouldn’t of given two shits about that person in a previous life…but then I became that person.
I chased my **dream**, more aggressively than anyone I have ever known; as a result I lost friends, my partner, my abs (you could see them in the good light in the bathroom, I swear), and to a degree – my sanity.
You see what no-one wants to talk about in this world is the profound and deep psychological impact chasing the entrepreneurial dream can have on a person.
No one prepares you for it
Guess what, if you make it, no-one gives a shit either
Sure they want they money, the connections, the ‘fame’ – but no one tells you the price you have to pay.
The piper needs to be paid, and he doesn’t give a flying fuck how you feel – and neither will anyone else.
When you are making your way up the greasy success pole, its natural to look at those above/further ahead of you and kinda hate them a bit…I know because yeah, I did too.
(don’t feel bad)
But, if you keep going – and you get where you want to be – you start to notice some things:
Good friends in your industry/peers start to resent you for your success – in fact people you would of gone to bat for suddenly vanish from your life.
I know it was for me
Then there is the feeling you are never good enough.
You can be invited to all the industry bashes, stage events, JV’s and christ knows what – but there is still that little voice at the back of your mind that tells you that you are never good enough, that you’re not worthy, you’re a fraud, and you shouldn’t be ‘here’.
That never goes
I’ve been fortunate enough to hang around a lot of up and coming entrepreneurs; the amount of alcohol & drug abuse, risky sexual behaviour, anger, sadness, rage and un-fullfillment – along with ruined relationships – I have seen is more common than you think.
‘fuck you Dan, that’s B.S.’
To those solid souls who don’t succumb to numbing vices, seem to find themselves working the most crazy of hours – i have more than one well known entrepreneurial friend that is vice free, but has hospitalised themselves with auto-immunes diseases, stressing health issues.
Its all to common to think the grass is greener, and to an extent it is (‘in a way’) – but if you are going to go full-bore into this world (and Im not saying this will happen to you), you need to be aware of the pitfalls as well as the prizes.
As an entrepreneur, your brain is one of the most prized assets you have – yet its also one of the things that is likely to take a nose dive.
The mental health of folks like us is – from my observations only (and I wouldn’t be so vulgar as to make a medical diagnosis) – often an afterthought.
We push, hustle, grind, 24/7, non-stop, work.
Its in our blood.
Thing is, we can eat the best foods, take all the supplements in the world, meditate to our hearts content, cut down on red meat, ditch the booze – you name it….but if we don’t take care of the the 8-12lbs that rests upon our neck?
We are as good as fucked.
There is such a huge stigma (especially in the UK from what I have seen) when it comes to psychological issues. The idea of speaking to a therapist is an anathema to many of us in Blighty
(you Yanks have us beat in that regard)
But I ask you, would you rather have a trained professional help you though issues, or would you rather suffer in silence?
Imagine if you break your arm and even when all and sundry can see it is bent out of shape tell people:
Course you fucking wouldn’t.
Yet when it comes to feelings such as:
Low self esteem
So many people simple bottle that shit up; which results in some REALLY bad shit later down the line from what I have seen.
I used to be the same
Im tough, I don’t get sad – fuck that
Yet, when I found myself drinking a litre ‘o’ goose every night to avoid the feelings that I was having…it took me close to a year to realise that that ain’t normal…and Goose is bloody expensive. 😉
So I reached out
Its a damned sight harder than you think…in fact harder than anything I have ever done before.
To tell your partner, family, friends, that you don’t feel right in the old noggin (ESPECIALLY if you have – too all intents and purposes – everything you could ever want) is beyond hard.
But Implore you:
Don’t be like me
learn from my mistakes
If you don’t feel ‘right’ – reach the fuck out
It may feel uncomfortable, frightening or simply fucked up -but its better than finding yourself in your boxers, teary eyed, singing ‘hey jude’ on your balcony at 1am with a triple goose and ginger….not that thats happened to anyone I know…
^^^ see that?
I still can’t even admit that was me!
(wasn’t that hard to guess though…dick lol)
But it was me
At my lowest point
And quite frankly if it weren’t for my family, I didn’t think I had much to keep going for.
Sometimes, you can’t fix the shit thats going on in your head, stress ‘manifests’ (don’t) itself in many ways – the human mind is a complex fucker at best.
(hence if someone wants to ‘fix your mindset’ at least make sure they have some qualifications – they can do more harm than good if they don’t)
Sometimes you just need to out your hand up and say:
‘hey, can I get some help’
And thats OK
And if you’re cool A.F. and have the psychology on par with tempered steel, then I am truly envious and wish you the best
Blaze a trail of glory!
But if, at times, you are feeling backed into a corner….
That there is no way out….
Or you feel low, depressed or simply unhappy.
DONT suffer in silence
Fuck, PM me if you have to – I may come across an an asshole, but Ive been there – and Ill probably still go there from time to time…
I know for a fact that if it weren’t for people offering a helpful hand, Im not sure where I would be now..
Its a tough path have chosen, it gets rocky at times – don’t talk it alone
One Thing You Can’t Cheat In Life
It doesn’t matter how much you earn or how successful you are, Father Time cannot be cheated
I see so many people on here bickering and being shitty and wasting so much precious time and energy over complete bullshit that doesn’t even matter
I invested wisely in some ways
Wasted poorly in others
Made me realise what’s important and what’s not and that – moving forward what I will aggressively push towards…
…and equally retreat away from
If no harm is being done?
Live and let live
Life is precious
And life is short
The more I spend time online the more I realise that the world offline is where I need to invest as well as ‘double down’ on this people hat value me and visa versa online
Not wasting it on negative fuckery or with people who either add no value to our lives or just take take take
It needs to be spend people who value us
And want to be with us
As I’ve gotten older I’ve realised that there are truly good people who even though aren’t in my life per second anymore or are ‘virtual’ (aka my digital brothers and sisters)
Still make the time to make the time when it matters
Equally there are people who proclaim to be there for you and when you need it
Shit like that used to get to me but now I realise it’s just people being people
No need to be angry
Just step forward and make peace with it
And my advice – which you can take or leave because, let’s just be honest – I’m just a dude from Facebook
Whether you are religious or not
Whatever your beliefs are
Our time on this planet is brief and can be cut short at any time
You have a finite investment ‘pot’ in your time
Enjoy your time and your loved ones people of FB
And don’t forget to do what makes you happy
One roll of the dice
Don’t waste it
PS I posted this a year ago today when o went to see my Grandad for the last time
Popped up on memories and thought would be good to share hereread more
What We Fake In Social Media
Fake social media
Fake. Fake. Fake.
I’ve never hidden the fact that I have a unique brain
What I have (hypomania) has taken me years to get under control
It’s a blessing and a curse
One of the side effects is when I’m ‘up’; I can go days without sleep – or very little – have been existing on roughly 2/3 hours a day for 4 days I think now
During this time my mind simply revs faster and faster
I think things through, seemingly making 100’s and 1000’s or connections and solutions
I’ve found myself becoming tetchy during this time and needed a day or so to analyse what I was thinking and feeling
As much as fucking love social media; what it has done for my and so many people in my life
It’s a double edged sword
I see grandiose boasts…
Impossible things claimed as real…
Hollow platitudes with zero depth behind then…
Weak, watered down, copied content…
Fake bullshit everywhere
One thing I’ve tried to do is be as honest as I can; share the realities of last entrepreneurship and share freely
Highs and lows
Wins and losses
And I put my fucking all into what I do; I know I can sometimes be a bit blunt or flippant – but always meant with good nature and a nod towards infotainment
But I’m pissed
I’m tired of people talking such utter Shute on social media
Case in point
You want more?
I DO MORE
Fucking HUNDREDS of you wanted to do the content challenge
Only a handful of you actually show up and do anything (fair play to you for doing what you said you won’t do FYI)
Which is – of course – your right
I can’t make you
By the 4th day the lack of action showed totally demotivated me and I NEVER get that
Hence needed time to figure out why I was so pissed
And honestly it’s because I actually do give a flying fuck
But if your actions don’t match your words, then honestly you need to dial down your expectations from life
Because you won’t achieve anything close
How you do one thing?
Is how you do all things
You can kid yourself all you want
But if your not prepared to show up, do the work, and achieve what I truly believe everyone CAN achieve if they put in the time
Please just leave this group now
Because I want this group which will ALWAYS remain free – a promise I won’t break – to be filled with people who actually give a shit
I built a large part of my businesses and career on giving
The responses to questions and poss asking for help and advice in this group – from good people who need help – have been fucking dire
Those of you that take time to help your fellow humans?
I tip my digital hat to you
But to those who just take and take and take?
This is supposed to be a community of people who may not know either other outside the pixels of social media take toke time to be there for one another
By the main thing it’s about is GETTING SHIT DONE
If you are happy where you are in life and don’t want more money…
Or more freedom…
Then I’m truly happy for you and – really – would love to hear how you achieved those things
But if you don’t just want, but fucking DEMAND more from life?
SHOW THE FUCK UP
Contribute (yes you’re worthy)…
Don’t just take…
And the main thing?
Don’t be fake
And what I mean by that is don’t be in this group and say you are going to get shit done and then lie to yourself that you actually are
It doesn’t hurt me
It hurts you
This may all sound a bit harsh but fuck it; it’s my daft bearded face up there on the banner and if a few people get butt hurt because of his post BUT it lights a rocket under the rest of your asses
Entrepreneurship saved my life, secured my sisters future, got a home got my folks and through my work has helped hundreds of thousands of other
I get sad and angry and pissed off with people falling for fake shit and believing this world is easy
It can be fucking brutal at times
But if you stay the course it’s the most rewarding thing you can do that can change lives
But I’m done with the bullshit
I’ll continue to show up
I’ll continue to do & create what I can to help
I’ll be here every god damn day
And I hope you will join me in showing up and doing the work
If you have been kidding yourself
I get it
I truly do
I did myself for so many fucking years
Believed all my lies
Believed all my hype
And it took a close friend to call me out on my fake assed actions as they didn’t match my words
But it changed the course of my life
So in closing
This group will always be about you AND me; it’s a community and we are – as far as I’m concerned – in it together
But if you are here just to take, not be an active (no matter HOW small) member of this community, or want to kid me and you that you are doing the work you say you are
No hard feelings
And to those of you that actually want to get more out of this group, life, money, freedom – whatever it is that’s drives you
I look forward to seeing your honest asses tomorrow
You are worthy
You are valued
You will be supported
You have my word
PS if you are struggling, need help or advice ASK
I’ll ensure no one makes you feel stupid or any less important than anyone else
We are all equal; some of us just a little fitter ahead and have more skills
And for those of us in that category?
It’s our DUTY to helpread more
The Biggest and Cheapest Gift You Can Give Someone
Show that you give a fuck with your actions
We live in a batshit world
Never have so many been so connected yet have felt so alone and under appreciated
It’s a truly mind blowing and brilliant time to be alive; but as I wander around observing life and speaking to humans I continually see couples and families nose deep into phones
Last few days?
I had Teggles down with me
When we went for a walk, breakfast, dinner, bowling, pedicure (and yes straight single men get their feet pampered lol)
My phone = stayed at home
One of the biggest (and cheapest) gifts you can give is your time, presence, thanks and gratitude
Today MAKE time to connect with YOUR humans
The humans that have your back..
The humans that make you smile…
The humans that love you unconditionally…
The humans that pay yore bills…
The humans that show you love – virtual or IRL…
A small gift
An offer of help
A thank you
because it runs out faster than you think and one day you simply won’t be able to
Do it now
Let me know what you do and how it feels
Maybe even use this as an opportunity for reconnect with someone that has fallen by the wayside
Whatever IT is
Do IT today
Thank me laterread more
The Fear of Being Not Good Enough
Do you ever feel like this?
Are you constantly looking at your posts and worried that you aren’t getting enough comments and likes?
Worried that what you post or email is going to ‘expose’ you somehow as a fraud or fake (even though you know your shit)?
Do you see people who you know aren’t as talented/skilled as you do better than you and it hammers you down?
Is there a constant fear that you simply aren’t good enough?!
Let me tell you something
EVERYONE feels like this at times, ESPECIALLY Entrepreneurs…
Fuck even I do, probably more often than you think!
I’m constantly trying to improve or better myself; as well as what I offer
When you start out it seems like everyone is better than you, and you look at people who are doing better than you and think
‘Fuck, I could never be like them’
Then you start to grow and things start to get better – you get traction and likes and sales
Shall I tell you what’s an absolute shit lord?
When you have been around for a little while
You’re no longer ‘new kid on the block’ (so you have lost that ‘bright shiny object’ side of things)
Yet you aren’t the ‘establishment’
You feel pressure to keep up with the new people who have entered your world, have to deal with the backstabbing and the gossip and people trying to bring you down…
(That last one is especially hard when it comes from people you trusted or once classed as friends…it happens)
…yet you haven’t quite made it to the point when your name and reputation can bring in the bacon day after day
Such is the world we have chosen
I would say it’s the curse of the entrepreneur to never feel like they are good enough…
Always wary of what’s going to ‘attack’ next…
It’s why I wanted to write this today
I feel like I can crush pretty much anything (or, if needed, anyone)
But the downside of having what I have (a painfully good visual and emotional memory & hympomania combined, too long to explain here) is that I can’t unsee or unhear what I hear
Every single day I my mind whirrs; juggling the value I add, my competitors, my own inner monologue, some fucked up internal ‘rating’ against every single area of my life
It is – to be honest – both relentless and at times exhausting
It doesn’t stop
And after hitting high after high after high (epic new 121 client, getting my new book sorted, the amazing Free Shit Friday) – I thought
Fuck, what now?!
(And fortunately now sans vodka and with a Clear mind I can move this on fast, and I’ll share how I do it soon)
So if you are feeling like this?
Let me tell you this is fucking normal; I have been in a room when I was starting out with 6, 7 and even a few 8 figure earners
And over drinks and quiet conversations the self doubt and negative self talk is something all of us face
I wanted to share this here as many of you are stating out, and equally many you are valiantly trudging on in your journey
Yes it will be tough and yes there are times where you will doubt yourself, your worth and your ‘value’ to the world
I wanted to say you are not alone
I can teach you all social media skills, copywriting, sales, advertising – whatever
But if YOU don’t believe in yourself?
I know this as there have been multiple times I have wanted to give up and if it weren’t for the support and belief of others…I likely would have
So yes use this group and its denizens to learn and skill up and connect and make money
But the power in this tribe is the fact you have TEN THOUSAND PEOPLE JUST LIKE YOU, to keep you going
You ARE good enough
You got this.read more
Free Personality Test
Who are you – and would you like to find out?
This is me according to the 16 personalities test (which you can take here and would love to know your results/thoughts: https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test)
As you can see even the sum on the first page kinda sounds like me
But this test was a ‘light build’ moment for me a year ago (along with the KOLBE strengths finder)
Because I simply stopped focusing on the Shit I wasn’t good at
I’m gut feeling
I’m into people and connecting
So I now know what areas I need to add in personally and professionally
This has helped me dial in who I am as a person as well as to recruit the right people into my world
Would love to see what this group is made up of – as well as my fellow oddballs!
Oh, it also gives you your idea personal match too – I’m suited to at INTJ apparently
So who are you then?
Was the test (also known as meyers-Briggs) right?
Anything give you an ‘aha’ or ‘fuck…’ moment?!
Have fun and try not to be too weirded out when it nails you!read more
None of You Are Getting Out Alive
The less you give a fuck, the more fun, money, and opportunities you make
Let me state this before I go on:
(and you know this)
NONE OF YOU ARE GETTING OUT ALIVE
Unless Musk finds a way to get us downloaded via some jack in the head
When you’re gone?
I am judged – rightly so – by those who only know the surface; don’t know my backstory, previous successes or only have interacted lightly
I don’t take anything overly seriously
(Side note: I DO take shizzle seriously when it comes to peoples investment, family, friends, partner – if I had one that is – I swear to fuck I attract fucking nutters lol; but that’s not for now)
Now I say this as – quite frankly – AN OVERLY EMOTIONAL EMPATHETIC MELT
I have had to learn to control my emotions
All the same
Had a lovely mid 5-figures drop into my account courtesy of Stripe and some consulting gigs last week
Had to block someone who I used to have feelings for and saw a post where someone gave me some shit (was sent to me)
Of course, good shit is better than bad shit – but equally, they are both shit (that sounded better in my head…)but I don’t get overly excited or bothered or happy or sad about anything anymore
And as a result?
I’m now pretty chill
Very at ease in my own company
Don’t need anyone or anything to make me happy
I’m in control
Something I like doing makes me happy, adds value to my life, helps my clients out, makes the universe a better place
Well, I do more of that
Something or someone in my life pissing me off/sapping my energy, behaviours of mine holding me back, or generic bullshit
I either fix it or get rid of it
I don’t feel much anymore
It’s all just – well – things and stuff
if you are living a good life, giving back, having fun and not hurting anyone
That’s good shit as far as I’m concerned
I just wanna check out of life more in the black than green, have made a difference, provided for my nearest and dearest and the main thing
— for me —
Is to of had a giggle doing it
I won’t be serious
I can’t be fucked
I don’t want to adult
It’s boring as shit
That’s why I want to live in a hotel, ride motorbikes and do silly things while dressed in unicorn attire
I care about providing, making others happy and doing a good job
I don’t really give a fuck about anything else
I’ll do me
You do you
If I can help you ‘do you’ better
Then that’s cool
If you think I’m a massive cock womble and you would rather learn from a ‘book/lambo/garage’ based wanker?
Then that’s cool too
I have never liked being told what to do – and yet that is what we are conditioned to do so from a young age
Do as we are told
Colour in between the lines
Don’t step out of line
Get the fuck
As long as I’m not harming anyone – I’ve always thought I’ll do whatever the fuck I want to TBH
And the more I have been like this?
The better life has got
yes bills have to be paid
So have taxes
You’re a part of society so you kinda have to chip in
But outside of that?
Don’t take this shit so seriously
No one really gives a fuck anyways – the only person who is worried about you looking like a tit most often is you
And those that give you shit?
Let me tell you this from 4+ years of doing the online thing
They aren’t around
No one invites them to anything
Their impact is about as noticeable as a gnat in the ocean
I’ve had my share of shit bags, and at best they are scraping a living of have their handful of shit bag followers who suck up to them
They ain’t worth your time
And if you ignore them they are like a dog turd in a field; soon it starts to decompose and your view – in time – becomes shit free
Care about what’s important
Look after the right people
Make sure YOUR cup is filled first
Stop giving a fuck about shit that ain’t important
Go have some bloody fun youtube
4Somes For Success
Want to change your life for the better?
Wouldnt it be great is you could just do a thing once and then your life was better for good.
Unfortunately it’s something you have to keep on working on.
The good news I’ve found that there’s really just 4 things you’ve got to work on
Health, Wealth, Connectivity & Productivity
This is all matters related to your physical and mental health; including exercise, mobility, sleep, nutrition and hydration
Business revenue generate, sales, products launched and personal wealth – can also include savings. In reference to debt also
Daily/weekly/monthly routines in place and adherence, systems used/in place, outcomes relative to inputting hours work (e.g. are you working smart or hard) – overall ‘implementation’ focus
Can be a mixture of quality time with friends/family/loved ones, social events in relation to time spent working/on own, hobbies, meditation/down time, Rest & relaxation, non-social media contact
Keep an eye on how you’re doing with those, top up by taking action in the areas needing a little extra attention and you’re sorted.
It’s really that straightforward.
Remember – this isn’t about taking on the world and transforming your life in a flash.
Quickest path to failure is people making grand plans they can’t stick to.
Choose one little thing that’ll improve each area then another and another.
Before you know it, these little regular check-ins become a habit and those little actions you do to work on each area compound over time
You’re gonna have to say bollocks to balance though.
It’s a myth.
You’re pottering along just nicely and all opf a sudden life leaps out of the shadows and bends you over.
Equally, if you’ve got big goals or you’re only just getting started you’re gonna have to make some sacrifices along the way.
You’ll push your limits.
You’ll reduce the time you have available for relationships.
You’ll find yourself making a deep investment that’ll leave cashflow a little precarious.
All for the greater good of your life and business.
It’ll only be temporary but those phases will come and go.
Try to stay too balanced and you may be sacrificing more than you realize.
If you keep these at the front of ya mind.
Regularly check in on how you’re doing in the areas of health, wealth, connectivity & productivity.
Even when you are in sacrifice mode or life comes at you
You won’t tilt too far off course in those areas and you’ll be ready to invest in them to raise their scores as soon as you come out the other side
The Art Of Accountability
I sent an email out before, I had a couple of hours to kill before a client arrived for a private consulting day.
It wasn’t anything fancy (in fact was struggling to think of anything to write), but decided to simply ask people to talk to me.
You know, tell me how they are, if they are ok – have a little whinge and moan if they felt like it (sometimes just writing it out and sharing it helps.)
I was stunned.
There are some truly awesome people, people I have chatted to here, in private, in person and Skype…and they are going through some seriously tough times.
And if you were to look at their FB profile, you wouldn’t even know there was anything wrong.
It’s so easy to project a happy, issue-free life (especially with social media) – that you would never know that someone close to you could be struggling like fuck.
I know I have been there.
There are times where I have posted up some whimsical status, ACCOUNTABILITY post, update when I have been unable to even get changed, out of bed, feed myself or face the world.
We all have problems.
And I’m not sure if it’s more a guy thing, but as a friend just told me (we were talking about some of our experiences coaching people, no names of course) – bottling that shit up will end you.
Possibly for realzies.
What’s the point of his post?
Well firstly all my energy got invested in my visitor today, so I promise I will reply to each and every email tomorrow.
Secondly; you ain’t alone.
To the ones that shared with me; I hear similar often – it happens. Being an entrepreneur is a tough fucker at times.
(In fact, it can be as unpleasant as dry ‘alternative route’ loving without even a smile or a Hank you after.)
That and I reckon we (as a group of such people’s) tend to attract hose a little free-spirited and creative – and seem like we are a little more ’emotionally dynamic’.
Now I’m not a qualified therapist, mindset coach of similar – but if you feel like you want to share, get some shit off your chest? You can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
I can’t guarantee I can help but like I said before, just getting it out of your head helps.
But do me a favour?
If you are suffering a bit – call your folks, friends, partner, someone you trust on here – don’t fight on solo.
You will be amazed at the people that do care.
Normal, sweary, abusing, marketingy shizzle will resume tomorrow.
Off to recharge 🙂read more
Want to know how I get more done in a week than most do in a month, AND have fun doing it?
Then do me a favour? Whack your details in below - and I’ll send you an email every day for 7 days straight telling you exactly how I #getshitdone; all while working less hours, making more money and actually having a life!
most popular posts
The Ultimate BE PRODUCTIVE Blog Post
19 January, 2017
My Top 10 Books For Entrepreneurs
16 October, 2016
Your Ideal Life – What Do You ACTUALLY Need To Live It?
3 October, 2017
The Doorman Tip (And The Power Of ‘What If’)
4 December, 2016