Coffee With Dan

Yesterday, fuck me what a crazy day

I think there is something about NYC that gets me all excited

It’s a crazy city

The people are amped

The skyline makes me happy

Makes me realise how far I’ve come

From the tilapia and oats days

To looking out across the city, from a fancy big ole car

You can always do better

You can always do more

You can always improve

You can always be a better asshole 😉

The point of this post

Well, whatever it is you are doing – when was the last time you invested in your skills, your knowledge or your abilities?

Or have you been ticking along with what you know?

I’m about to speak to a room of online coaches, who have travels from all over the world to up level their skills

When was the last time you invested in yourself?

Am

Intrigued…..

What limitations do you put on yourself?

Are you telling yourself you can’t do something?

Is someone else telling you that you can’t do something?

Have you been brought up to think you can’t do something?

Sat here in cost, listening to ‘Zombie’ by Breed 77, and the line that i keep hearing over and over again

‘its in your head, its in your head’

Really, it is!

I’ll share a little something, I truly used to suffer badly with being able to switch off. In fact, when I hurt my back the only time I ever got my brain to ‘shut up’ was heaven because I was checking myself out with Valium every evening to lessen the pain.

(hence the term I came up with ‘Ambivalent’ which I think is kinda cool)

I couldn’t sleep when I was a kid unless I had the TV or radio on quietly as it would distract my mind enough to drift off.

In fact, until my early 30’s I would still have to fall asleep listening to some stand up comedy, podcast or music of simply I would like there and think

Think

Think

Think

Think

Think

Think

Fucking think

Honestly, I truly thought it was going to drive me insane.

But do you know what the most insidious ‘voice’ was?

The thoughts that I would never **something** – key highlights include:

– lose weight

– have money

– get strong

– have a girlfriend

– die alone

– fail my family

^^^ I lost track of the little bastards to be honest, but imagine that. Every day, your own bloody brain telling you than you weren’t good enough.

Grey little twat.

(why I poisoned him with the detailed potatoes for so long ha)

But ultimately we have a choice to make:

1. To listen to the voices in our (not like that, I’m nuts but not ‘proper’ – well yet anyways lol), the voices from others, from society, our fronds, our family, our partners our colleaguesor
2. We have a choice NOT to listen

As, the large gentleman on this picture proclaims:

Fuck

Average

Some of the most successful people I have met of course worked hard, leveled up their skills, put the hours in – but equally there is something that I wish, i truly wish I had know so many years ago:

‘It truly is your choice’

You don’t have to ask for anyone’s permission to do anything when you are a ‘grown up’

Want something?

Go take it!

Now I’m NOT saying fuck someone over – but I’m trying to say if there is something you want to do, someone you want to pitch to, someone you want to ask out, something you want to launch?

Just fucking

Beast, or bitch

Your choice…..

How many times have you had something like this happen to you:

– Will you promote X for me

– I want you to introduce me to Y

– Tell me how you did Z in your business

But

They have

– never connected with you before (this is their first discussion with you)

– never invested a penny with you

– are SOLELY looking out for themselves, and see you as a ‘stepping stone’ to what they need

You all know I like a bit of filth – but I really couldn’t think of a better analogy.

Its not enjoyable, its uncomfortable and can be pretty painful for both parties.

I don’t know if some people are just ignorant, or it doesn’t even cross their mind that what you have spent thousands of hours and pounds getting good at….

…they think you will happily give them for free?

So I made a simple little check list that makes this a little more ‘spit heavy’

1) Make friends with people

Not hard, connect, have genuine conversations, get to know one another.

2) Give before you ask

Want someone to do something for you? Well do something for them first. DON’T expect them to repay the favour, but offering to help, give your time, introduce them to someone, or ‘hook them up’ always is a good place to start

3) Value THEIR time and expertise

If they are really good at something, it will of probably cost them a fair bit of time & money to get there. Think about what you are going to say before you say it. Little bit of tact goes a long way

4) Pay them

If I have invested in someone, I feel a lot more comfortable asking for someone. The people in PLAT, my private clients, ESPRESSO WITH DAN peeps and anyone who has paid for my time get FIRST priority

Why? Because it’s the right thing to do

So next time you are looking for a cheeky leg up, an intro, or something that’s just out of your grasp?

A little bit of saliva goes a long way….

I am all for lofty goals, ‘BHAGS’ and pushing both the envelope and ones comfort zone, but in the last few days I have some glorious and spectacular failures; and the level of hubris show has been something else.

AND THIS IS COMING FROM ME!

Case in point, a few individuals have:

– declared that their ‘thing’ [seems to be either a) some sort of coaching programme, b) a digital product or c) a retreat as a rule] is going to change the world – THE ENTIRE WORLD NO LESS!!

– It is, of course, a ‘game changer’. Not sure what the game is, but holeeeeee fuck – its gonna change it

– Sprinkle copy & videos with ‘Epic’, ‘Next Level’, ‘ground breaking’, ‘the future of X….’ and possibly ‘the universe asked put me on the planet to do this’

– add liberal dose of false scarcity (this is especially glorious if a digital product, because you know – electrons – expensive as shit!)

Well what now Dan? How do I complete this epic (lol) recipe?

Well you finish off with

– A grand total of fuck all people buying your thing

– garnish with social media posts saying instead of doing the thing, you are now reflecting, making it better, have ebola – whatever

– Wait a month or so, do another fucking daft thing – this one is going to change the GALAXY (oh do shut up)

Repeat

Christ, even my folks Pug could learn quicker than this, and its really quite dumb (albeit sweet)

I am ALL for making a difference, helping your fellow man, doing your life work and truly ‘going for it’

But what happened to

1. a) getting really fucking good at something first
2. b) creating something that people ACTUALLY want
3. c) helping just ONE person first, then 2, then there – not being a massive bell end and stating:

‘I want to break America with my thing’

How about you break your local town, or try get ONE person online to invest in your first?

Could that be a thing?

Could it?

Maybs….

Look, what I teach may not be very sexy – but I’ve spent years, many years learning this stuff, and built my audience slowly, organically, with fucks ups, with successes, and never being so arrogant that I think that Im **that** special that EVERYONE HAS TO HEAR MY MESSAGE OH BY THE WAY BUY MY SHIT

I just try do my best

Move the needly forward every day

Help as much as I can

Try not let morons and toxic people bring me down

AND KEEP DOING WHAT I CAN TO GET BETTER

I don’t need to change the world

My philosophy is if, I can leave any interaction with me that the person is better off, inspired, skilled up or event knows that they DONT want to do something

Thats awesome

One week away

One digital product

One programme

That YOU think is going to change the world

Aint going to do shit – BUT – its CAN change a handful of lives, and they in turn can help others – and THATS awesome

The market, your audience, you audience influence however – that, that is where you get results as they will tell you what they want

Start small

Work up

Get good

And figure out what people actually want

Then give it to them with passion, belief and drive

Done

Was speaking with my friend Justin Devonshire who on a call with a client of his, discussed the harsh reality of what we do as entrepreneurs.

We have some very experienced people here in the group and equally some very new and ‘green’ folks to this world.

It is NOT for everyone.

You see all the books, the courses, the digital ‘high fives’ from those who are making it work.

But we hear less from those who isn’t.

It’s all too easy to look at people who are already making it, and even though you hear their back stories, the struggles they have gone through to get where they are now:

When you have no money to pay the bills, you spend every second of your day working where the next pay check will come from, paralyzed by fear and you feel like giving up?

Where do you turn?

Do you know what it actually takes to achieve what you are looking to achieve?

Do you have the support, the drive, the ability to willingly sacrifice time, effort, energy?

Saw an article the other day about suicide rates in entrepreneurs.

It’s high!

It’s such a brutally lonely and tough journey at times and the higher up you get,

The lonelier it is.

I can’t stand when I see people slagging off those who give people shit who have jobs.

I miss having a job at times.

There is a lot to be said to being around people, routine, working towards one goal, being able to switch off when you get home.

When you decide to put your hand up and say ‘I’m going to do it my way’ no one prepares you for what it’s going to be like.

And, which is more insane, you end up spending so much time in your head that you create scenarios and ‘stuff’ that half the time never happens.

Nuts eh?

Not too sure what my thoughts were behind his post, or why I wrote it to be honest just felt like sharing.

There’s nothing wrong with choosing to settle or going ‘all in’

Just like in anything in life for all the smooth, you have the rough to deal with too.

My dad – aka Big Papa Nige – found this bling monstrosity in an old box of Dan things

(I swear I had the taste of a fucking magpie)

Anyways; he found it, whipped a battery in and now is walking around a dinner plate on his wrist covered in diamantés

Love it!

I used to care SO much what people thought.

What did it do for me?

Bollock all

Now?

I do my own thing.

Dance to my own beat.

Couldn’t give a tuppenny fuck what people think anymore and as a result?

Life is good.

Now be honest with yourself – how much of what you do is because of other people?

How much do you care about what people say about you?

Do you embrace your unique talents, quirks and down right wierd side?

If no? Why the fuck not?!

Life is so Bastard short why do you care so much about what other people think when they in all likelihood are too wrapped up in their own shit.

Peace out!

PS: my dad is a bling Bastard at 65 and he doesn’t give a toss

Be like my dad

Today I had the ‘joy’ (aka know as fucking misery) of shopping with the general public.

Due to the fact I have a massive squatters/rugby players arse, big & wide feet, and a thick torso ate BEST finding things on the high street is a challenge at best.

However, I had to brave the masses because my trusty brogues bit the dust, and due to some fancy meetings this week I felt it best to polish up, look smart and what have you.

Im not writing this to tell you my shopping woes, but to get though a point many seem to get wrong.

Those shoes above cost me £300

The last pair of shoes, virtually the same cost around the same.

Six

Years

Ago

Now, my ex taught me this principle called cost per wear (which I thought was a GENIUS excuse to buy more shoes!). When I look back these shoes have been to hundreds of meetings, nights out, weddings, piss-ups.

You name it, they have been on my feet.

I have bought shoes under £80/100 before and they are fucked before a year max.

My trusty brogues have been re-heeled, re-soled, new laces, polished and been as good looking as since when I got them out of a box.

But there are two things you can take from this:

Firstly, it’s no different with what YOU choose to invest in – as a rule – the more you invest, the better the quality service and treatment you get.

I went into ‘Schue’ to get some first of all, 7 staff -lazy twats not ONE came to serve me – and I even asked to get someone.

Useless

I went to John Lewis? Acknowledged, served and sold in under 7 minutes.

See the different?

Yes, I spent more – but I got what I wanted, at the speed I wanted – was treated with respect, and I feel leaving happy with my purchase.

If you are going to invest in a coach, copywriter, personal trainer, mindset expert, advertiser – whatever – take some time to consider YOUR ‘cost per wear’ for that transaction.

If you think you are going to get expert, genius level business coaching, world class, high converting copy, a fully functional, perfect, body in record time or the most highly targeted adverts paying peanuts?

you are mistaken my dear friend.

Equally, I am HAPPY to pay premium prices to those that DESERVE it – just because you see people espousing the benefits of charging ‘high ticket’ (and yes I have course on that, but it addresses the issues) does NOT mean that everyone, right now, has the right to charge high ticket.

You have to provide value, have skill, time served, ideally proof of your abilities or at the very least be so driven that you are willing to do anything to ensure your customer gets the desired result.

Secondly, things the nicest thing you own:

Could be an amazing pair of shoes (and fuck me women – spending £500+ on something you wear once a year and is painful as fuck?! You mad muggers!! ) a watch (as in my case), a car, a place, your home.

Again, whatever.

how do you feel when you use it?

Pretty fucking good I would imagine!

When you invest in something or someONE of quality, you feel not only better about your decision, but that you are in the hands of a professional, an expert, someone with ‘pedigree’

And to you youngsters (or those who have not put the years in yet to achieve this level) who may be reading this and thinking well Im not there yet?

GOOD!

There is a degree of nobility in getting really fucking good at something – NO ONE charges premium out of the gate, unless they have an innate talent (and you lucky freaks I hate you ha)

We all have to start somewhere.

We all have to learn out craft.

We all start out like a £50 pair of shoes that fall apart after a short while, but – as you develop, and become proficient at your craft?

You too can become a £300 pair of sexy AF brogues 😉

So in closing;

When you are looking to invest in yourself or someone/something – think is it a) worth the money and b) how does it make you feel

End of the day, quality costs

I had an awesome conversation with someone who had recently discovered me, and I had noticed that they had liked a fair chunk of my posts.

So I sent them a message and said hello.

No agenda.

Not trying to sell anything.

*JUST* genuinely wanting to connect with another human, who is in the same world as me.

That in turn leads to a call and now we will hang out out work together, all from having a genuine interest in getting to know the people who Like my work.

Now, Ive said this before – and this is the wrong way to network, or grow your online infuence:

1) add person as friend

2) Send ONE message (some done even send that) with a vague and cut/paste hello

3) pitch your fucking coaching programme

Mainly, because you look like a towering cock-womble…

Honestly, I know I can be accused of dumbing it down at times, but copy this = real connections and longer term relationships:

1) See someone you want to connect with? Add them as a friend

2) Wait for them to accept

3) When they have accepted – shoot them a PERSONAL message – have a read of their wall, what they like, and reference WHY you added them

4) Have NO agenda

5) Be a fucking human!

Equally, if that is a little too direct for you, try this:

1) Follow those people you wish to connect with

2) leave meaningful comments on their post, fairly regularly – but not SO often that you look like a stalker

3) Share their content, take them, reference WHY you shared it – again not often, ONLY if you actually rate what they have written

4) Interact on public message comments

5) Add as friend

6) Be a fucking human.

Honestly, does that sound that hard?

My friend Justin Devonshire taught me an amazing phrase that ‘Your Net Worth Is Your Network’

Do I have an amazing network?

I would say so.

Do I class these people as a means to an end, a $ sign, or someone I can get something from?

Do I fuck?

If that happens – great!

If not, don’t give a shit – the fact I have a meaningful connection means more to me than some short term gain. That and I actually like people!

So next time you add someone on FB – have some manners if they accept and at least shoot them a little message.

Trust me – this goes a long way 🙂

Today’s lesson – I’m not directing it at anyone in here; but this needs to be said:

If someone gives you an opportunity…

The metaphorical ‘leg up’…

A ‘crack’ at a new audience…

That opportunity that you have been waiting for…

BUT

It **might** involve a little bit of hard work, maybe lowering your standards for a bit, doing ‘grunt’ work, putting hours in ON TOP of what you already do or maybe something for free?

If you DONT take it?

You are – quite frankly – a fucking dick

Now this was a chapter in my book, so am probably a little more ‘fired up’ than usual – and not because it has anything to do what what I earn – that I see people who are truly deserving, who work hard every day – yet when an opportunity comes that isn’t ‘perfect’ they pass

Fucks sake!

Case in point, myself and Jamie Alderton ran a fun little competition to get a ring card guy and girl for the Gary V event. It wasn’t going to be all skimpy clothed bollocks – but it DID involve the following:

– making a fun 30 second video

– writing a very specific number of words

– making a fucking effort!

Considering how many fitness people we have in here, the response was fucking pathetic.

What did they get in return for the above?

Well they got to attend the event for free, hang out with all the speakers, meet and get some camera time with Gary V – oh and coaching with me AND featured on Jamie’s social media (and spend a half day with him) which I GUARANTEE (because I’ve been on the receiving end of it!) would of made a massive impact on your business, reach and credibility

So I picked two people myself who had gone above and beyond to show how much they wanted this

Will I return the effort?

In fucking spades

(One guy is even coming over ON HIS OWN DIME to do this)

Another example – I have said this before – I worked for Ryan HAPPILY doing the jobs that a) nobody wanted to do and b) I would do HAPPILY without whining like a little bitch.

The result?

My career EXPLODED, I was introduced to some of the worlds best in my niche WHO ARE NOW MY ACTUAL PROPER FRIENDS WHO I HANG OUT WITH AND STUFF

What I am trying to say is this

Opportunities:

THEY. ARE. FUCKING. EVERYWHERE

But you have to be open to them, and open to the fact that they are NOT going to be perfect – and sometimes you have suck a smidge of balls to get to where you be

Doesn’t make you weak

Doesn’t make you a loser

Makes you smart in my opinion – if it helps you AND helps the other person – whats wrong with it?

Nothing.

SO do me a favour fucking STOP waiting for the ‘perfect’ opportunity, don’t be so prideful, get your bastard hands dirty – thats IF you want to put what you are doing on ‘turbo’ as it were

If you are happy where you are and the pace you are going?

Awesome!

But please please please start to THINK about the opportunities and possibilities that are presented to you on a DAILY basis. – but don’t JUST think, bloody DO!

Far everyone that is writing down goals, wiping up visions boards, telling their friends they are going to do X, ‘manifesting’ (lol) or anything else that DOESN’T involve doing the work….

Guess what?

Some horrible hairy fucker like me, who is too dumb to take no for an answer, and sees rejection and knock backs as a hobby – I WILL beat you to it

Head to head

Same market

I’ll win

Because while you’re thinking about it – I’m doing it – and whatever market YOU are in? I GUARANTEE (again) that there will be a driven fucker who is going for it while you are writing it down in your notepad

STOP thinking

START taking a chance

BE willing to do what others aren’t

EMBRACE risk

Bam!!!