Neediness: Models and The Game
Neediness; one of most unattractive qualities in life or business
I read a lot of books and am a big fan of Mark Manson and long after I’d read his more known stuff I found an old one of his
Was about the world of relationship coaching that he had updated since he wrote it
I like to learn from a variety of sources
And so on
And have always found that the dating/PUA/relationship coaching books always have a great crossover to marketing
Whether you like it or not?
Is an excellent marketing book as well
But anyways back on point, one of the chapters in ‘Models’ was on neediness
Neediness is an utterly unattractive quality
I know because I have been that person
Always wanting attention
Had to have contact all the time
Whether it comes to life or business neediness is not attractive
If you NEED someone
They will pull back
If they WANT you
They will make the effort to be with you
If you want to be wanted
Being your own man or woman
Having principles that you stick to
Keeping your word
Doing what you say will do
Gives you value
Gives you worth
Makes your desirable
Makes you want able
It’s the same in business
I’ve been very fortunate to have an excellent training in sales – any decent salesperson knows that if you act desperate to close
You barely do
(And yes this works with the opposite sex as well – both ways)
If you act needy you simple won’t get what you want in life
Now don’t get me wrong TENACITY is admirable
You won’t often close often on the first time ; you often need multiple attempts to sign someone up, get a call booked in or make a sale
But if you act like that deal is the only thing between you keeping a roof over your head or being on the streets
Your prospect will smell it a mile off
This is one of those times where you do need to fake it until you make it
ACT LIKE YOU DONT NEED IT!
Or simply think
It’s really that simple
Confident in your own abilities
Seriously knowing your god damned value in ANY relationship
And trust me if you stick with it?
Shit gets good
Like, REALLY good ??
Innuendo aside; no one wants neediness in their life – but you do (personal or professional) want to be wanted
And if you aren’t where you want to be right now?
Maybe ask yourself:
Am I being too needy?
If you are – following the above might help….
PS This was from a piece I wrote in 2017; and this was a T-shirt that was sent to me
As a straight man living in Brighton this was not my best ‘lead magnet’ for ladies methinks ??read more
UGSD 3 of 4: How To Handle Anything
Question? Are you gonna commit to reading this post and putting ideas into action?
Once again, drop the word “reading” in the comments before you continue…
Yesterday’s post – once Facebook decided it was finally going to play ball – was all about getting yourself out that funk where things are okay, but they’re not great.
Those times when life’s just a little bit too plain sailing
Where things are so smooth it takes that edge it takes that fire.
It takes the feeling of having your back against the wall.
So you don’t have that great drive and desire to really smash it.
Oh, how lucky we would be if life was always that way.
Even with the best plans, the best intentions, the best skills, the best prep
EVERYTHING in place to make you a success.
Something comes up,
It could be something small.
It could be something huge.
It could be something in your control
or it could be something completely out of your hands.
If you don’t have ways of dealing with things
Whether its internal in your head physical out there in the world.
If you don’t have some think in place that helps you deal with it, it’s going to knock you back
It’s going to take away that consistency, momentum, drive and passion from you.
if you get enough knock backs.
If you get hit enough times
Eventually you’re gonna go down for good.
Let’s face it, you are human
And being human.
That is only so much you can take.
And it’s through not having pathways out of those setbacks.
By not having ways to get around things like those you
By not having the tools to deal with the mindset issues that crop up time and time again.
this the reason why so many great people with a whole heap of good to offer to the world don’t get anywhere.
So that’s what today’s post is all about.
It’s about how you can deal with anything that life throws at you
what to put in place
how you handle yourself and how you can keep on going no matter what comes up.
how to take any of those negative feelings
Turn them around on their head and use them to you your advantage
Let’s dig in.
– have a support network
Think you can just go it alone?
Deal with everything that life’s gonna throw at you and just brush it off.
Keep on putting it under the rug
it’s no big deal
just crack on with it.
Good luck with that one.
If you try and do it alone You’re an idiot.
Yet, it’s something that we have a habit of trying to do.
We try to just deal with our problems
We are the problem solvers after all
We try to find the answer find a way find the way forward figure it all out.
Because if we don’t, who will?
We convince ourselves that it’s not a big deal
We can handle it
That other people have got bigger problems
And if we just keep on pushing will find a way
So we push and we push and we push until we break down
And none of that is necessary
The thing is
On top of thinking that we should be able to deal with everything.
That we should be smart enough
That we should have it all handled because hey, everyone else does
On top of all that
We beat ourselves up and we put ourselves down and we just don’t think we’re worth it.
We don’t think that we are worthy of help.
We don’t think that we deserve to be cared about.
We don’t think that we deserve support
We think that’s our job
and our job alone.
Nobody should do that for us.
So it can be so hard to ask for help
share the load.
and we take on more a more a more
we carry a bigger weight on our shoulders
and I’m telling you now
if you carry that weight
if you keep on adding more and more stuff without getting any help without having any support without having people to help you figure things out,
it’s going to break you.
It’s just inevitable.
Some point somewhere along the line that way is just going to get too much and it’s going to absolutely crush you.
The alternative is getting a support network in place
Support inside your business and sport outside of business because both sides are just important
and both areas are areas where you’re going to have things come up.
You’re gonna have problems, you’re going to have issues
Having the right support in place to actually be provide practical help, smart guidance, emotional support and different ideas is key to seeing you through whatever comes up.
That is the key to not breaking under the weight and the pressure and stress and all of the things that you’ve got going on in your life.
I have said it before and I’l said it again
Each hit takes its toll.
And you get to the point where even the little ones, just the little tiny things are enough to set things off.
You don’t want to get to that stage.
So here’s what you need today.
you’ve actually got to be able to get support.
Because right now if you’ve not got it in your life, the chances are that part of that is down to you thinking that you’re not worthy of help
Before you get thinking of who that can be whatever you need support and what its gonna look like.
The first thing you need to do is realize that yes, asking for help is something I really need to do. And getting the help is something that I’m worth having.
And it’s hard believe me I know it is hard
Because asking for help
shows a little vulnerability.
It also means you reach the realization that things aren’t so great
It can be scary to admit to yourself,
Let alone to anyone else
To let them see the crack in the armor.
When you’ve got the right people around you
letting them in
letting them support and
letting them feel valuable
does wonderful things
you are worth help.
So what exactly does help look like and what kind of support network should you be looking to put in place?
There’s 2 sides to it.
Practical support and mental/emotional support.
Some people will be able to provide both kinds.
Others will be a case of one or the other.
Take an a4 piece of paper and turn it sideways.
Top half – practical
Bottom half – ideas and emotional
Split it into columns for business, relationships, family, mindset, health etc.
Basically every area of your life
And give them a score out of 5 for how well you’re supported emotionally and practically in those areas.
What you want to go to want to do is look where your low scores lie. 1’s and 0’s
There will be a reason for those gaps.
Those gaps will show the areas but you probably avoided
Are you completely on your own in those areas?
If you are, that’s something that you’re going to want to address.
Take some notes with a little detail of the support you have and what you can do to improve things or simply strengthen your relationships with those who support you.
– systems and back ups
Now we’ve covered the people you want to have around you – now it’s on to the things to get in place.
So that things – for the most part – can continue on the way they should no matter what happens.
For this you need systems.
This does not people you need all the tech in the wold and have automations doing everything.
What I mean by having systems is knowing what’s supposed to happen, when it’s supposed to happen and what to do when things fuck up.
It’s about knowing your MED (Minimum Effective Dose) which is basically the things that if everything that could go wrong is going wrong and there’s only a couple of things you can do – these are the things that you absolutely must do.
It’s about having multiple marketing channels incase one goes down (I’m looking at you Facebook)
Getting an account set up with multiple payment merchancte, stripe, square, and more – in case one you use decides to put a hold on your account.
It’s about backing up your email database so you can transfer to another platform and don’t risk losing it if your current gets shut down.
It’s about knowing that if you get into a slump – this is what you need to do to pull yourself out.
If your cashflow gets tight – this is what you can put out to get some quick cash in.
Again I want you to take a piece of paper and brain dump all the shit that can go wrong in your life, business and relationships.
Then next to each one drop down an idea/ action plan to help minimise or eliminate the issue.
It doesn’t have to be complicated but it can really save your ass.
– Finding the positive in the negative
I have consciously decided to spend a lot more time on my own without electronic devices, people or any form of stimulus and aggressively work on my thoughts
Everything from triggers to limiting beliefs to self-sabotaging behaviours I have gone through each and every fucking and examined why I do the things I do and ask one simple question
Does this serve me?
Whereas before I wouldnít even consider the positive effects of what I perceive as negative ëstuffí, thanks to the time I have spent on my own?
Now I do
So what lessons have I taken from this painful journey
For starters I have learned that you can ALWAYS find a positive even if it FEELS negative, and you will get what you focus on
Now I mentally walk through and WRITE DOWN (this is key btw) all the positive things that have come from the encounter, issue, relationship – whatever it is
And when I find myself on a little negative feedback loop?
I have have them on my notes on my phone and if I find something shitty bubbling up with regards too whatever situation it may be?
I just read the corresponding note
Another thing I have found is that pain IS temporary IF you take action; donít get me wrong when life throws you a curveball you are allowed to feel crap and throw yourself a little pity party..
But ONLY a little one and ONLY for a little whileÖ.
After that? The KEY thing to getting over setbacks is ACTION
Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself doesnít do shit, and as hard as it may be? What you need to be is DOING and NOT thinking in times like this. Brilliantly, the more action you take the better you tend to feel as time goes on
Finally, learn to not only embrace painÖbut CHASE it
This may sounds rather fucked up, but I am just putting to bed a great book, ëPrinciplesí by Ray Dalio, and he has a simple equation
PAIN + REFLECTION = PROGRESS
It may seem sadistic to chase painful situations, and without reflection and subsequent course correction
But we can learn a lot from failed business venturesÖ
Our pride and joy products floppingÖ
Relationships and friendships falling by the waysideÖ
Failing at things we knew, just KNEW that we would win at but didnítÖ
Because most people do anything to avoid pain, I know I did for many a year – far too fucking long to be honest
Now I embrace it for what it is
I know I donít want to experience it again, so I learn what I did wrong to ensure (to the best of my abilities) that it doesnít happen again
That and I see it as like weight lifting, the more you experience over time AND get though the other side, the more that ëdealing-with-pain-muscleí grows and the stronger and stronger you get until one dayÖ
Öyouíre in pleasure
– having a toolbox of strategies
As you know, you can’t stop life from coming at you with a hit.
All you can do is your best to stop the shit you cause yourself from coming your way.
Not always good enough
And then there’s plenty of shit life throws at you that is completely out of control.
You can’t prevent life from coming at you.
What you can do is prepare for it the best you can and have a selection of tools you can whip out at a moments notice to help you navigate the fuckery.
With the right set of tools
You can go beyond simply scrapping your way through life by the skin of your teeth.
To actually using the negative to propel you forward.
This is something I have used in EVERY area of life.
Was deeply unhappy with my looks and build, so I got hugely into fitness then personal training then gym ownership then fitness copywriting
Into a positive
Was quite isolated and lonely when I started out as an entrepreneur, so set up a virtual coffee shop – aka ëCoffee With Daní; which as you know has become quite the thingÖ
Into a positive
Was told I was shit at Rugby – so I worked harder and played for my university at the national level
(I wasn’t necessarily any good but I was still on the pitch haha)
I had the ‘I don’t think you will make it’ head shit when I went into the corporate world and told I would be sacked EVERY DAY if I didn’t hit my call targets – ended up being #2 (only lost out to an MD) out of 6000 head-hunters UK and Europe world
Someone laughed at me when I started out at the gym, so ended up doing (really) a modelling shoot at 6.4% body fat and competed in powerlifting
Was told (due to some inherited traits from Big Papa Nige) that my writing wasnít good enough to earn from – well fuck you Iíll write a bestselling book and get PAID for my words
Anyways I share the above – all true – from my life, as everything truly fucking awesome I have worked forÖ
BUT, it has been harnessing the power of spite and rage and sadness and envy that has given me the explosive fuel to do the work (either on myself or externally) that has given me most of what I have
Yet hardly anyone talks about it
And I don’t see almost anyone showing you how to leverage this ‘dark energy’ for extreme good and massive life changes
And in 2018/2019 I went all in on this concept…and this happened
- An additional £118,050 in profit OUTSIDE of my current businesses, in new markets and not previously done before
- Dropped 13lbs, stopped smoking (I started only this last year due to stress), quit junk food
- Rekindled a very important relationship, removed 3 toxic ones with my ‘satisfaction’ score (Iíll explain that shortly) being 7/8 out of 10 most days
- Consistently get 6-8 hours sleep, and the quality of which has improved (compared to 3-5 fractured)
- Launched one new business venture in a new vertical, and have mapped out two new ones in competitive markets which will be launching later this summer
- Have taken control my life even further; with new systems and structure for my days that gives me more mental clarity and freedom than before
- Grown as a leader for my team creating new opportunities for my core team WITHOUT negative impact or emotional strain
And this January – after months of refining – I revealed everything I know about harnessing the darkness
100K+ deals closed
Toxic relationships terminated
Businesses finally launched
Egos ditched and powerful connections made
People FINALLY experiencing freedom from the shitty thoughts they had and turning it into life changing ACTION
Look, I have done this for a long time right?
People got results
People got breakthroughs
People experienced changes
People made shit happen
GRIT: RED Edition (for me) is the simplest system I know to:
– overcome your own bullshit, limiting beliefs and ëhead trashí
– get a handle on your situation, OWN it and FIX it FAST
– leverage the dark thoughts and energy that you have for GOOD and POSITIVE outcomes in your life
– quite the negative people and traits and actions that hold you back and fuck you up
– MAKE YOUR LIFE WHAT YOU WANT TO BE (if you are prepared to face a few harsh truths THEN turn that into action)
When I came up with the concept of GRIT: RED it had to be:
2. Easy to action
3. Something that I could realistically stick to (with all my other commitments)
4. Would allow me to (eventually) see massive positive changes on not only my life, but those I served, interacted with and employed
5. Allow me to be a better human, live a better life, be happier, wealthier and healthier (both physically and mentally)
So thatís what I created
A simple system that (I think) anyone can follow but more importantly helped me understand why I did the things I did, and what I could realistically do to control them, so:
Over and over and fucking over again until I got the ërecipeí just right
Now as you can probably tell from the energy and enthusiasm from my words, I believe in the so strongly that this product I believe is going to be one of the most transformational and powerful programmes I have created thus far
(I believe it will surpass the success and sales of my post popular ever training, the original ëGRITí)
I am PROUD AS FUCK of this
And for those of you that want me to show you how to do what Iíve done, and how YOU can harness your darkness to create nothing but light
THIS IS YOUR CHANCE
The cost for all of that?
A one time investment of only £195
In closing: if you are finally ready to take ownership of your life, quit making excuses and do all that you can to make 2019 YOUR year and also me to show you EVERYTHING I have learned to change my life – and hopefully yours
NOW is the time
If you have ANY questions about the course?
Send me a DM & I will be happy to answer
Ultimately you only have one roll of the dice, so why NOT have all you feel you deserve and be free of the thoughts and actions that have held you back
The principles I have outline above when you harness negative energy to LAUNCH THE ROCKET…then pivot into positivity
You can change your world fastread more
Overcoming the Fear of Death
In every loss, there’s an equivalent pain and sorrow. Now, how does anyone overcome the fear of death?
1 year on; thoughts on life, what you make of it and an open invitation to change yours…
So 365 days ago today my grandad passed away
I’m always mindful of such personal posts; with people sometimes thinking the worst that such things are being leveraged for likes and social love
(FYI I’m as good as can be; he passed knowing he was loved a long life and was peaceful in the final hours – and I got to say goodbye. All is ‘ok hun’)
But I treat FB many times like a journal. I’ve needed to process some thoughts for a while and – examining my posts over the last week or so – it’s clear I have not been myself
To coin a phrase from a wonderful human:
‘I’ve been feeling some type of way’
Knowing that this coming up has been on my mind; I’ve been reflecting over the year that was
That, and timehop has been breaking my heart reminding me of a life of mine that once was, but alas – is no more
Now I know that I’ve spoken more than once about dying and death; and how I’ve used the knowledge of my own mortality as a motivator
It once was my biggest fear and I couldn’t sleep at night as a young lad due to thinking about it
– had to have a light on and fall asleep to music –
I’m very much ok with it
– totally at peace with my eventual parting from this world –
I’m not religious (And if you are, that’s great) but I believe in energy and matter and from what we came from, one day we will become again
But I digress
When it comes to death?
I don’t actively chase it of course; but as I remarked to a fiend this morning should what’s left of my life be snatched away from me in an instant?
I’ve lived a good life
I’ve made a difference
I’ve done things that (honestly) ‘someone like me’ didn’t think they would ever do
On the balance sheet of my overall existence?
I like to believe I’m firmly in the black; and like to think I would leave the world a better place than when I arrived
That brings me joy
But equally lately I’ve been examining my life; there’s no secret that – now – I would like to meet someone and have a family one day
I want to see more of the world
I crave adventure; to do things and stuff that can only be experienced by the you own senses
I have (albeit a bit of a ‘hack’) planned how I can get into space which I have dreamt of doing since I can remember as have been fascinated by the cosmos
I want to meet all the people
Help all the humans
Write all the books
Share all the content
Do all the stuff
I fucking love what I do for work and the fact that Im an actual author to this day – makes me more happy than you can imagine
(And the people I get to work with are the reason I show up daily and love to work)
But I’ve also come to realise that in certain areas of my life?
Shied away from what I truly want to do
One year on?
I am proud of the fact I’ve kept of the drink, attained a degree of stability, helped 1000’s and been there for some key people in my life when they needed me the most
– I kept my word –
– I stepped up –
It’s fair to say in some aspects that 2017 and prior Dan could not do that consistently
As someone very dear to me said:
‘You are looking for light in dark holes’
As I sit here typing this I realise that there’s so much I have yet to do
So much that I want to do
Hence today in honour of my grandad, my family, my mentor, my team, those that invest and support me
The chains are off
I’m totally fucking DONE
I’m done with not doing the things that light up my fucking soul
I want to feel things again
I crave new experiences
I want to work
I want to create
On a level I have not yet achieved
Because my life’s work is not remotely yet done
I simply want to DO and BE…well…
And like I said – I’m DONE with the ‘cages’ in my life – both real and mentally constructed – that even someone who has a book called ‘How To Be F*cking Awesome’ has, from time to time, to break free from
No matter how good or strong or stoic or powerful you think you are
There are areas that, deep down, you KNOW you need to attack but your brain keeps you back, wants to play it safe
And quite frankly?
FUCK playing it safe
I share this because I’m sure that there are many of you that *should* be happy with lot in life
But why should you?
Why can’t you have more success and impact?
Why can’t you experience a deeper love?
Why can’t you have the freedom to spend with those you want to be with and do what you want to do?
Why can’t you do the thing you’ve always wanted to do?
The answer I believe is simple
And it’s a statement that, I hope, next time you think you can’t do or be or have something you mentally tell yourself this instead
So in celebration of a life well lived, and a tip of the digital hat to those who refuse to settle and want more from life
I’ll come back to this statement in a year
– timehop this time will be my friend –
I expect my life to of changed considerably; and if somehow it hasn’t?
Call me out on that
Because how on earth can I expect to lead without leading by example?
If this message resonates with you
I would, truly – human to human – love to know below what you would like YOUR life to look like in 365 days time
You have one roll of the dice, so why not live the life extraordinary?!
It’s too short
And I refuse to settle
And you shouldn’t either
I wish you the very best of luck; you can do more think
Really you canread more
What is the Value of Your Time?
Time, What is the value of YOUR time
It doesn’t matter how much you earn or how successful you are, Father Time cannot be cheated
I see so many people on here bickering and being shitty and wasting so much precious time and energy over complete bullshit that doesn’t even matter
I invested wisely in some ways
Wasted poorly in others
Made me realise what’s important and what’s not and that – moving forward what I will aggressively push towards…
…and equally, retreat away from
If no harm is being done?
Live and let live
Life is precious
And life is short
The more I spend time online the more I realise that the world offline is where I need to invest as well as ‘double down’ on these people that value me and visa versa online
Not wasting it on negative fuckery or with people who either add no value to our lives or just take take take
It needs to be spent on people who value us
And want to be with us
As I’ve gotten older I’ve realised that there are truly good people who even though aren’t in my life per second anymore or are ‘virtual’ (aka my digital brothers and sisters)
Still, make the time to make the time when it matters
Equally, there are people who proclaim to be there for you and when you need it
Shit like that used to get to me but now I realise it’s just people being people
No need to be angry
Just step forward and make peace with it
And my advice – which you can take or leave because, let’s just be honest – I’m just a dude from Facebook
Whether you are religious or not
Whatever your beliefs are
Our time on this planet is brief and can be cut short at any time
You have a finite investment ‘pot’ in your time
Enjoy your time and your loved ones people of FB
And don’t forget to do what makes you happy
One roll of the dice
It is important that you know “What is the Value of your time”
Don’t waste it
P.S I posted this a year ago today when I went to see my Grandad for the last time, it popped up on my FB memories and I felt would be good to share hereread more
Little Life Lesson For Those That Have a Business
So yesterday while I was doing a 121 day, I realised there was a ‘chink’ in my armour that if I could fix – quickly
My overall progress would accelerate rapidly
So while we were wrapping up (and well within acceptable business hours) I found 4 people that could serve my new
Now because of the way I am?
I HATE being crap at stuff
So for me at the start of anything new skill wise (or if I look/feel like shit) then I will go for a private or intensive option
I messaged all 4 people at the same time
I wasn’t ‘known’ to them (this need was on a local level) so just an ordinary lead – enquiring as they told me to – via message
All 4 read the message
Only two got back to me saying they would reply first thing
(I don’t think Midday is first thing lol)
One chap got back to me 7am
I wasn’t up but replied straight away – worked out a package – and signed up
When I was in the building stages of my gyms, copywriting, agency and consulting business
Leads were RARE
And when they came in – qualified, not ‘toe dippers or enquiries – I DIVED on it
Especially if you are in a service business speed IS crucial
Don’t get me wrong you shouldn’t always be on, have defined hours/boundaries and set limitations
(And if you don’t have them you can’t blame someone for not adhering to them/going elsewhere if tot don’t work C hours etc)
I was an EASY sale
I said in the message:
- ready to start now
- have checked your prices and stated which one I wanted
- was totally flexible with my diary
I’d like to think I’m an ideal client
And due to SPEED one individual has a new client who will invest long term in them and 3 others who simply couldn’t even bother to reply?
If someone is interested in your their emotion = high and their likelihood of buying = high
ESPECIALLY if they have sought YOU out (not ads or funnel or promo or something incentivised or required sales strategy)
Those that act fast?
So if you’re the sort of person that actually gives a crap about growing your biz and acts fast?
You have nothing to worry about because the majority or people just simply don’t
UGSD 2 of 4: Why Kinda OK Is Not OK
UGSD 2 of 4: Why Kinda OK Is Not OK
Before you begin., same drill as yesterday. Drop the word reading in the comments to show you’re here, you’re in this and you’re actually gonna Get Shit Done…
Yesterday I spoke about how to take action.
The things you need to think about and put in place in order to actually get somewhere with it.
You see life.
It has a little habit of being a spiteful little bitch.
And just when you think you get and someone just when you start to make some progress. Just when you started to make a difference and see some changes and actually create some habits
Life comes along to rain on your parade and set you back to square one.
Yesterday’s post gives you exactly what you need to deal with that before it happens so you can power on through.
If you missed it I’ll get Lianne to drop the link in the first comment so you can go read after this.
Today, I want to talk about something a little bit different.
I want to talk to you about the thing that stops you from even getting to that point.
Before you start making changes
Before you start to take action.
Before you start to put things into place.
Do things with your life.
Put yourself out there
Get down to the gym
Whatever it is that you’re going to do.
Some of you, you don’t even get that far.
And it’s not because you wouldn’t like things to be better.
It’s not because you don’t think that your body could look better.
It’s not because you don’t think your business could be better, your income could be higher, your relationships be more fulfilling.
The problem it is just not painful enough.
It’s not hurting you enough.
It’s not giving you a punch to the guts.
It’s not stopping you in your tracks.
You just getting on with life.
It’s doing kind of okay.
You’ve got up days, you’ve got down days.
Hey doesn’t everyone!
It’s not too bad
Could do with losing a couple of pounds but could be worse.
And therein lies the problem.
You’ve gone got yourself into a happy little rut.
I’ve been there.
As you’ve probably seen me mentioned before.
One of the things that fuels me is spite
Something to fight against.
A reason to keep on punching, keep on getting up keep on going forward and keep on smashing those goals.
So when things are going great.
When things are ticking along nicely.
That’s when the rut creeps in.
And if I’m not careful.
It takes hold.
And it starts to impact how I am.
How I show up in this world
What I do for you.
And how my businesses grows.
People who aren’t like us are happy with a “normal life”
Going to work, watching soaps, time with friends and family and that all works for them.
And that is perfectly fine.
Us entrepreneurs on the other hand simply don’t suit that lifestyle.
We want to get up, do things, create things, forge our own paths, make our own way and put things out into the world and ultimately create a life we love.
So we set out on a path
And as we’re going along that path.
And all of a sudden that fuel powered you up to that level.
It just loses its impact because you’re not feeling the pressure, you’re not feeling your back against the wall, you’re not seeing yourself in the mirror and realising you need to make changes fast.
You don’t have that massive negative feeling to drive you.
See, negative feelings are very powerful.
They are things that can either hold you back, or propel you forward and that’s something that I’m going to be talking about in an upcoming post.
But for now, what I want to talk to you about is the time where you haven’t got that massive driver.
When you haven’t got that emotional pull that got put that rage that fury that spite. When you’re kind of just, okay.
The Happy Little Rut
Silent, yet deadly.
Because that is the place where dreams go to die, where your grand vision of what’s possible for you in your life turns to nothing.
It becomes that thing that you were going to do.
The idea that you had.
The body you gave up on.
The point where you tell yourself that you’re okay with being single and there’s no one left out there for you, who could put up with you.
It’s the point where you go from being it out, change the world to “meh, whatever”
You fall into this feeling of being satisfied.
Where things are okay, but not okay
You lose your spark, you lose your creativity, you lose your energy.
How do you turn that around.
How do you get you back.
How do you pull your head out of your arse and actually get on with creating something that is more than okay.
Something that is truly fucking awesome.
I’ll tell you how.
How To Get Out Of A Mehphisode
Ever gone through one of those times where you just simply can’t be bothered.
Everything is just
It’s not that you can’t do anything.
It’s not as though you’ve got any great obstacle in your way.
It’s just, you don’t want to.
You aren’t down and depressed in the dumps,
The world’s not falling apart.
Life’s not ending.
Everything’s pretty neutral.
Nothing’s really happening.
Nothing’s really inspiring.
There’s no big thing that you want to make happen.
There’s nothing that you’re looking forward to.
And you’re not really creating anything either because the tank is empty.
Those times are what I’ve dubbed a mehphisode after going through it myself at a while back.
There are a few things that you can do to help pull yourself out there and get you back into the game
Now first thing before anything else, you’ve actually got to recognize that you fall into that spot.
Sometimes it takes a while
If you are someone who is a regular content creator, pay attention to what you’re putting out there.
Because as things like this come up, you’ll start to notice a shift in what you post
and what you’ll do is you’ll find yourself writing things which aren’t inspired
It’s like your voice has been shut down
what also happens is you have a drop in depth.
Quality posts suddenly disappear for face of the earth because you simply haven’t got it in you.
Now when that happens a day here or there, that’s fine.
If it’s been a few days
and you you notice there’s a shift in your content
You’ve not got that power, that edge, that spark, that passion.
That is one of the biggest warning signs a Mephisode has appeared.
When it happens.
Realize that it’s not forever and the whole world isn’t going to fall apart just because you’ve slipped.
The first thing you’re going to want to do is rather than push yourself through
it’s actually to step away
Take a moment to actually re energize yourself and refill the tank
because the chances are you’ve been sucked into work for quite a while and you’ve not been taking the time out that you need.
You’ve not been reading so much
You’ve not been watching films
You’ve not been getting out that in the daylight and the fresh air
you’ve not took that time to just be you
and when you get yourself stuck in work doing doing doing the same things over and over again
stuck behind the screen
stuck on Facebook on Twitter on LinkedIn on Instagram
when you are having conversations with clients with your team that all revolve around work
then you leave yourself with nothing to draw from.
And it’s not because you don’t have ideas thought knowledge and wisdom to share.
It’s because without external things to draw from
You don’t get that trigger
You don’t get that inspiration
and your creativity drops down the floor
Your mood to
when you’re not getting out and about changing your scenery and doing new things
You lose the ups and downs so your mood just flat lines
That knocks on to everything.
How you are
how you show up in the world.
How you present yourself
How you feel about your next steps.
The whole lot flat lines.
So as I say get out and do something
go watch a film, go for a walk, go to an art gallery go meet up with some friends who have not spoken to for a while.
Just do something
Because that little change breaks you from the pattern that you’ve got into
It gives you something to draw from
some thoughts, inspiration experiences, stories think you see things you hear all can be used
and that is going to make a huge difference.
Find Your Fire
So now you’ve broken the pattern. You’ve given it a nice hefty pattern interrupt to help you pull out of that pit of mehphisode
Because you’ve had to pull out to get yourself back into the game. Now you’re going to come back into action with whatever kind of action that is, whether it is something that you’re working on your business, your relationships, your body, your mindset, whichever area of life you’re going to focus on,
and that you want to make change.
Now you’ve got to find your fire,
You’ve got to find that thing that is going to drive you
Even when things are comfortable.
Now, this is going to vary for everyone.
There isn’t just one thing that drives us because we are all unique.
And there’s a lot of talk about finding your purpose, your big Why, what’s the big idea
More often than not
People say the thing that they think they should say
the thing that sounds right, the thing that a good person would want.
The truth is
That isn’t always the thing that you really really want it’s not the thing that’s really going to drive you
It’s not because that thing isn’t important
It’s just it’s not enough not for you on its own.
Parents are great example of this.
When you’re our parent you kids matter
(so the rumour goes – no Little Dan’s running around as far as I know lol)
You care about them
You want to look after them
You do everything you can for them to give them the best life that you can give them and quite often you put them ahead of yourself
Sometimes too often
So when it comes to figuring out your purpose and your why
thinking that it’s your kids is a very easy answer
Because it makes a lot of sense
Everything you do you do for them.
What about you?
What about when you kids are grown up and I live in their own lives
And even before that point
Is there really nothing for you?
Something you would love to do love to experience love to create love to bring to the world
Chances are there is.
And this is more fuel to drive you
It’s not something that should be left to one side and abandoned
Because you can – and should – have more than one why.
As you know
family means everything to me
Everything I’ve built has been driven by a desire to is to help look after my sister and parents.
On a grander scale, to help create something to support other people like my sister
I have a few personal was as well.
There’s more than one ‘big why’ IMO
One for the altruistic you
(Family, friends, kids, better world, make a difference, charity etc)
And one for eh ‘selfish you’
(Shiny things, expensive shit, status, fun, #becausereasons)
I’m sure you know your ‘altruistic’ why – that’s probably why you started
But are you honest enough to admit all the shit you want JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT IT
For me it went like this
Firstly did all the altruistic shit – helped out family
Then focussed on helping others
Next was ME – jet skis and watches and beach front places and treats (I always wanted this)
Now bored of that and back to seeing how much I can help others, with money and success being a ‘side effect’ instead of a key driver
Know you why’s – both kinds
And use them to push you on.
Whichever one is most effective right now.
Figure Out What You Really Want In Life
In the same way that our reasons why we want to do the things we do get clouded
What we really want out of life can become equally confusing because we’re presented with dreams
We are presented with rock star lifestyle, working from the beach, big house fast cars, celebrity parties
All of these things were told that’s what you should aim for
“This is the pinnacle”
This is where you want to be get into in life.
If you have this thing you’ve made it.
If you look like that you’ve made it.
If you are with this guy or this girl you’ve made it
it’s pretty convincing too
Yay for marketing
When it comes down to it
What you think you want
Might not be what you actually want
Limos drinks and parties at the Playboy Mansion. Anyone
I’ve got stories that probably shouldn’t be told.
And you know what?
It’s not for me.
Some people live that lifestyle
it’s what they live for.
Truth of it is…
What makes me happy is the simple things in life
Living by the sea, going down to the arcades and chucking a few quid in and
eating my weight in fudge
Yes, I do have luxuries.
I’ve got the bikes, the jet skis’ a cleaner, my meals prepped etc.
And each one of those things?
They make a difference for me.
You have to really take a moment to decide “Do I want this?” and keep going till you figure out exactly what you want out of life.
Otherwise you’re just chasing someone else’s dreams
Be Brutally Honest
Finally we reach the critical part
We don’t become the person that we could become.
We don’t get that body we want that life we want.
And we put up with far more than we should.
We find toxic people in our lives.
Energy vampires and time vampires draining you again and again.
We doubt ourselves on what we can achieve.
We don’t value, what we can do for others.
And we don’t charge the prices, that we should.
Not because of some ridiculous thought that everybody should charge high ticket or that you should get as much as you can from people.
But because, quite simply, most highly skilled, highly talented and most caring of us.
Always put ourselves behind others.
Then on top of it all.
We’ve lost our resilience.
You gonna get knocks you are going to get setbacks and sometimes you’re going to get handed your ass.
And the key is getting back up again, getting back into the ring, taking those hits and keep on going.
What happens to so many good people is they get knocked down again and again.
Every time they seem to make some progress. Every time they seem to get something to work.
It knocks them off track sets them back, and then they’ve got to get all of their energy and strength back to regroup in order to go again.
So it constantly feels like you’re taking one step forward and three steps back.
And no matter what you do, you simply just can’t get ahead.
Now, we come down to the critical part.
Because without this.
You just completely wasted your time.
You’re going to be wasting your time, day after day, week after week, month after month.
And your life is going to suck exactly way it currently does until you’re actually ready to do something about it.
Comfort makes us soft and accepting.
We don’t go for what we could achieve.
Then you see other people who aren’t so good.
They aren’t so smart they don’t give as much value.
They don’t create the same results but you could do feed those people
Yet they are steaming ahead, leaving you in the dust.
It’s just not fair they get it so easy.
They can put up the content and get a massive response.
They get all of the deals and opportunities and clients flocking to them.
They get to go on all the trips, have all of the experiences.
They get recognized with awards and PR.
And with the perfect body, the perfect relationship, and the perfect family on top of that.
While you’re there, just trying to keep up.
Trying to make things move in the right direction, and try and keep hold of some strand of sanity left.
Is it any wonder that you are sat there thinking, can I even do this?
Is it worth it?
Is it even possible for someone like me?
What the hell do I need to do to make a change?
Because you know, you’ve got something to offer this world.
Because you know you’re smart enough to make it happen.
Even if some parts of it confuse the hell out of you.
You know you’ve got all the right ingredients, but you just can’t make it work.
It’s not like you’ve not been trying.
It’s not like you’ve been going for it.
For months trying different things, learning different tools and strategies.
But you’re just not getting to where you want to be.
You’ve taken so many hits.
Just don’t know if you can take any more.
So you tell yourself you’re fine.
You’ve got this
Especially when you’re in Facebook groups with other business owners of entrepreneurs who are all doing there thing, and everyone seems like they’re so far ahead of you.
So you stay blended.
Heaven forbid, anyone knew how you really feel.
You keep on trying.
You keep on plugging away.
Reading, learning, asking questions.
Hoping to finally discover the answer and everything suddenly going to click into place.
That ain’t happening.
Because, whilst you blended in telling yourself that everything’s okay.
You aren’t being honest with yourself, which means you’re not going to do the things you need to do.
You can tell yourself, you’re okay.
You can tell yourself you being productive.
Whilst you do – you’re going to avoid the things that matter at all costs.
Because those big scary things – you don’t even want to look at.
Until you get real with yourself and take a long hard look at the reality of your life.
You’re going to be stuck in exactly the same place that you are now
Nothing is going to change.
You may feel completely alone on this.
This is something that doesn’t come up for other people. It is not a challenge that they’re facing.
And I tell you now.
So many people face exactly the same struggles.
It’s not spoken about, because everyone has got that big fear of what happens if someone knows.
Massive imposter syndrome, massive self worth issues.
And because we are problem solvers -we like to do good, make a difference and fix things.
So, when it comes to us not being able to do that for ourselves.
It is so hard to talk about.
Through working with so many business owners over the years.
It’s something that has come up time and time again once I’ve cracked the nut and got to the heart of things.
In fact, in 2016 I got sick to death of seeing so many good people struggling and failing because they’re facing the exact same problem.
So, I did something about it.
That thing was G.R.I.T
A truly transformational training that cuts out all the bulllshit that’s keeping you stuck and gives you the smackdown you need to Get Shit Done and completely change the course of your life.
- Feel like you are stuck in a rut
- Have always felt like you could do more, but lack the push you need to do it
- Having doubts about the choices and decisions you have made in life, and want to change but don’t know how
- Feel lost with what you are doing, and need the equivalent of a kick up the ar*e and eventually an arm around the shoulder?
Then G.R.I.T. might be just what you need
4 days covering one ‘principle’ each day
G – grow some balls ovaries (a cold, hard look at facts and how to ‘toughen up’ and decide if you are on the right path)
R – Resistance and Resilience (how to overcome one, and develop the other)
I – Influence (how to create it, show it to your audience and become a figure of ‘authority’)
T – Tenacity (a practical ‘how to’ to get ALL the sh*t done in the next 30 days)
Fair warning – it’s absolutely brutal.
Full on rage-fulled Dan.
I can guarantee you won’t make it through all 4 days without feeling like you’ve took a freight train to your gut.
For some of you?
That’s EXACTLY what you need.
It ain’t sunshine and rainbows.
Because that is what’s keeping you stuck.
This is the harsh truth that’s finally gonna give you the kick up the ass and make those changes you’ve been talking about forever.
GRIT 1 was one of the best and most popular trainings I’ve offered – for good reason
Within DAYS of the original training we had
- 3 people launch a business they have had in their mind for 6 months +
- One person sell up their life and move, with family, for a dream they have wanted to follow
- Multiple people give up smoking & drinking
- Some wonderful humans creating better relationships with their family/kids/friends – as in as of NOW
- According to the emails and PM’s I have received a cumulative total of (best rounded down) of around £45k in new sales and profit
Want some of that?
This is the link you need to get instant access: https://coffeewithdan.com/grit1
Little too brutal for you?
Two years after the recording of GIRT came GRIT The Evolution
At the core of my beliefs the philosophy of ‘GET SHIT DONE’ is still paramount
Yet the Dan behind those beliefs had evolved and become – I believe – a better person
Dan 2.0 if you want
Lessons had been learned.
Personal philosophies developed.
GRIT Evolution contains the same core principles delivered in a way that doesn’t tear you a new arsehole – lol
Click here to pick up G.R.I.T. Evolution: https://coffeewithdan.com/gritevolution
Whichever you choose you’re gonna finally break through the BS and get yourself unstuck once and for all.
Which is it gonna be?read more
Why It Takes You So Long To Do Anything
Your greatest asset/your biggest enemy
How many times ya reckon your head has held you back….
In the past I used to numb my thoughts with alcohol or excessive work schedules mad training or just sleeping the day away
ANYTHING to avoid NOT thinking
But you know what – and I’m saying this as someone who DOES NOT ENJOY CONFRONTING THINGS – the more you figure out what the fuck is holding you back…
Write out all the shit you need to do…
Work out what is (REALLY) most important…
….then go do it
One of THE best pieces of advice I can give you when it comes to the dumb shit your brain tells you is go away
Seriously just go away for a day
Write out EVERYTHING that is worrying you
If you truly have zero influence over it?
Sack it off and deal with it IF it happens (it’s almost always ‘if’ lol)
What you do have Control over?
Work out the one which is giving you the most shit – JUST DO THAT
And work through you list from most painful to least
It’s simple but will get you out of your head and into action which – we all know this – is the only thing that’s gonna make a difference anyways eh
Don’t Lose The Little Spark of Madness That Makes You YOU
You don’t always have to be on – last week I (honestly) had to vanish for a few days because I had forgotten to do the things that make me, ME
All work and no play makes jack a dull boy
Life is shorter than you think and can be taken away in a heartbeat
Do I fuck around? 100%. Not with peoples investment and try not to (we all fuck up time to time) with peoples feelings – and they are, again 100%, times when you HAVE to adult
But don’t make too many sacrifices and cut back on the little things…the fun things…the silly things…that make you you
No one’s getting out alive, might as well have a giggle eh? (Oh and of you have ever seen yourself having sex and don’t think that’s the most ridiculous thing ever – I mean really it’s fucking daft lol – then lighten the hell up. That’s how the human race keep going And it’s ridiculous 🤣)read more
The Quickest Way to Get A Business and Brand Up and Running
What do you LOVE about social media?
There’s loads of mingebags moaning about social, but even though it can be a harsh mistress sometimes? I ADORE it 🥰
Some things that FB & IG have done for me:
- helped me connect with an entire world of amazing humans
- create multiple businesses
- allowed me to work at my own times and support my family
- helped with the loneliness and isolation of being and entrepreneur
- got a GF once 🤣
– so there –
What about you – what do you LOVE about the online world?!read more
Want to know how I get more done in a week than most do in a month, AND have fun doing it?
Then do me a favour? Whack your details in below - and I’ll send you an email every day for 7 days straight telling you exactly how I #getshitdone; all while working less hours, making more money and actually having a life!
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