15 Apr

UGSD 2 of 4: Why Kinda OK Is Not OK

by DanM in Blog Post No Comments

UGSD 2 of 4: Why Kinda OK Is Not OK

Before you begin., same drill as yesterday. Drop the word reading in the comments to show you’re here, you’re in this and you’re actually gonna Get Shit Done…

Yesterday I spoke about how to take action.

The things you need to think about and put in place in order to actually get somewhere with it.

You see life.

It has a little habit of being a spiteful little bitch.

And just when you think you get and someone just when you start to make some progress. Just when you started to make a difference and see some changes and actually create some habits

Life comes along to rain on your parade and set you back to square one.

Yesterday’s post gives you exactly what you need to deal with that before it happens so you can power on through.

If you missed it I’ll get Lianne to drop the link in the first comment so you can go read after this.

Today, I want to talk about something a little bit different.

I want to talk to you about the thing that stops you from even getting to that point.

Before you start making changes

Before you start to take action.

Before you start to put things into place.

Do things with your life.

Put yourself out there

Get down to the gym

Whatever it is that you’re going to do.

Some of you, you don’t even get that far.

And it’s not because you wouldn’t like things to be better.

It’s not because you don’t think that your body could look better.

It’s not because you don’t think your business could be better, your income could be higher, your relationships be more fulfilling.

The problem it is just not painful enough.

It’s not hurting you enough.

It’s not giving you a punch to the guts.

It’s not stopping you in your tracks.

You just getting on with life.

You’re fine.

You’re okay

Business?

It’s doing kind of okay.

Mindset?

You’ve got up days, you’ve got down days.

Hey doesn’t everyone!

Your body?

It’s not too bad

Could do with losing a couple of pounds but could be worse.

And therein lies the problem.

You’ve gone got yourself into a happy little rut.

I’ve been there.

As you’ve probably seen me mentioned before.

One of the things that fuels me is spite

Rage

Fury

Challenge.

Something to fight against.

A reason to keep on punching, keep on getting up keep on going forward and keep on smashing those goals.

So when things are going great.

When things are ticking along nicely.

That’s when the rut creeps in.

And if I’m not careful.

It takes hold.

And it starts to impact how I am.

How I show up in this world

What I do for you.

And how my businesses grows.

People who aren’t like us are happy with a “normal life”

Going to work, watching soaps, time with friends and family and that all works for them.

And that is perfectly fine.

Us entrepreneurs on the other hand simply don’t suit that lifestyle.

We want to get up, do things, create things, forge our own paths, make our own way and put things out into the world and ultimately create a life we love.

Agreed?

So we set out on a path

And as we’re going along that path.

Comfort appears.

Coziness appears.

And all of a sudden that fuel powered you up to that level.

It just loses its impact because you’re not feeling the pressure, you’re not feeling your back against the wall, you’re not seeing yourself in the mirror and realising you need to make changes fast.

You don’t have that massive negative feeling to drive you.

See, negative feelings are very powerful.

They are things that can either hold you back, or propel you forward and that’s something that I’m going to be talking about in an upcoming post.

But for now, what I want to talk to you about is the time where you haven’t got that massive driver.

When you haven’t got that emotional pull that got put that rage that fury that spite. When you’re kind of just, okay.

The Happy Little Rut

Silent, yet deadly.

Because that is the place where dreams go to die, where your grand vision of what’s possible for you in your life turns to nothing.

It becomes that thing that you were going to do.

The idea that you had.

The body you gave up on.

The point where you tell yourself that you’re okay with being single and there’s no one left out there for you, who could put up with you.

It’s the point where you go from being it out, change the world to “meh, whatever”

You fall into this feeling of being satisfied.

Yet unsatisfied

Where things are okay, but not okay

You lose your spark, you lose your creativity, you lose your energy.

How do you turn that around.

How do you get you back.

How do you pull your head out of your arse and actually get on with creating something that is more than okay.

Something that is truly fucking awesome.

I’ll tell you how.

How To Get Out Of A Mehphisode

Ever gone through one of those times where you just simply can’t be bothered.

Everything is just

meh.

It’s not that you can’t do anything.

It’s not as though you’ve got any great obstacle in your way.

It’s just, you don’t want to.

You aren’t down and depressed in the dumps,

The world’s not falling apart.

Life’s not ending.

Everything’s pretty neutral.

And

Nothing’s really happening.

Nothing’s really inspiring.

There’s no big thing that you want to make happen.

There’s nothing that you’re looking forward to.

And you’re not really creating anything either because the tank is empty.

Those times are what I’ve dubbed a mehphisode after going through it myself at a while back.

There are a few things that you can do to help pull yourself out there and get you back into the game

Now first thing before anything else, you’ve actually got to recognize that you fall into that spot.

Sometimes it takes a while

If you are someone who is a regular content creator, pay attention to what you’re putting out there.

Because as things like this come up, you’ll start to notice a shift in what you post

and what you’ll do is you’ll find yourself writing things which aren’t inspired

It’s like your voice has been shut down

Or

what also happens is you have a drop in depth.

Quality posts suddenly disappear for face of the earth because you simply haven’t got it in you.

Now when that happens a day here or there, that’s fine.

If it’s been a few days

and you you notice there’s a shift in your content

You’ve not got that power, that edge, that spark, that passion.

That is one of the biggest warning signs a Mephisode has appeared.

When it happens.

Realize that it’s not forever and the whole world isn’t going to fall apart just because you’ve slipped.

The first thing you’re going to want to do is rather than push yourself through

it’s actually to step away

Take a moment to actually re energize yourself and refill the tank

because the chances are you’ve been sucked into work for quite a while and you’ve not been taking the time out that you need.

You’ve not been reading so much

You’ve not been watching films

You’ve not been getting out that in the daylight and the fresh air

you’ve not took that time to just be you

and when you get yourself stuck in work doing doing doing the same things over and over again

stuck behind the screen

stuck on Facebook on Twitter on LinkedIn on Instagram

when you are having conversations with clients with your team that all revolve around work

then you leave yourself with nothing to draw from.

And it’s not because you don’t have ideas thought knowledge and wisdom to share.

It’s because without external things to draw from

You don’t get that trigger

You don’t get that inspiration

and your creativity drops down the floor

Your mood to

because

when you’re not getting out and about changing your scenery and doing new things

You lose the ups and downs so your mood just flat lines

That knocks on to everything.

How you are

how you show up in the world.

How you present yourself

How you feel about your next steps.

The whole lot flat lines.

So as I say get out and do something

go watch a film, go for a walk, go to an art gallery go meet up with some friends who have not spoken to for a while.

Just do something

Because that little change breaks you from the pattern that you’ve got into

It gives you something to draw from

some thoughts, inspiration experiences, stories think you see things you hear all can be used

and that is going to make a huge difference.

Find Your Fire

So now you’ve broken the pattern. You’ve given it a nice hefty pattern interrupt to help you pull out of that pit of mehphisode

What’s next?

Because you’ve had to pull out to get yourself back into the game. Now you’re going to come back into action with whatever kind of action that is, whether it is something that you’re working on your business, your relationships, your body, your mindset, whichever area of life you’re going to focus on,

and that you want to make change.

Now you’ve got to find your fire,

You’ve got to find that thing that is going to drive you

Even when things are comfortable.

Now, this is going to vary for everyone.

There isn’t just one thing that drives us because we are all unique.

And there’s a lot of talk about finding your purpose, your big Why, what’s the big idea

More often than not

People say the thing that they think they should say

the thing that sounds right, the thing that a good person would want.

The truth is

That isn’t always the thing that you really really want it’s not the thing that’s really going to drive you

It’s not because that thing isn’t important

It’s just it’s not enough not for you on its own.

Parents are great example of this.

When you’re our parent you kids matter

(so the rumour goes – no Little Dan’s running around as far as I know lol)

You care about them

You want to look after them

You do everything you can for them to give them the best life that you can give them and quite often you put them ahead of yourself

Sometimes too often

So when it comes to figuring out your purpose and your why

thinking that it’s your kids is a very easy answer

Because it makes a lot of sense

Everything you do you do for them.

What about you?

What about when you kids are grown up and I live in their own lives

what then?

And even before that point

Is there really nothing for you?

Something you would love to do love to experience love to create love to bring to the world

Chances are there is.

And this is more fuel to drive you

It’s not something that should be left to one side and abandoned

Because you can – and should – have more than one why.

As you know

family means everything to me

Everything I’ve built has been driven by a desire to is to help look after my sister and parents.

On a grander scale, to help create something to support other people like my sister

But

I have a few personal was as well.

There’s more than one ‘big why’ IMO

There’s two

One for the altruistic you

(Family, friends, kids, better world, make a difference, charity etc)

And one for eh ‘selfish you’

(Shiny things, expensive shit, status, fun, #becausereasons)

I’m sure you know your ‘altruistic’ why – that’s probably why you started

But are you honest enough to admit all the shit you want JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT IT

For me it went like this

Firstly did all the altruistic shit – helped out family

Then focussed on helping others

Next was ME – jet skis and watches and beach front places and treats (I always wanted this)

Now bored of that and back to seeing how much I can help others, with money and success being a ‘side effect’ instead of a key driver

Know you why’s – both kinds

And use them to push you on.

Whichever one is most effective right now.

Figure Out What You Really Want In Life

In the same way that our reasons why we want to do the things we do get clouded

What we really want out of life can become equally confusing because we’re presented with dreams

We are presented with rock star lifestyle, working from the beach, big house fast cars, celebrity parties

All of these things were told that’s what you should aim for

“This is the pinnacle”

This is where you want to be get into in life.

If you have this thing you’ve made it.

If you look like that you’ve made it.

If you are with this guy or this girl you’ve made it

and

it’s pretty convincing too

Yay for marketing

Truth is

When it comes down to it

What you think you want

Might not be what you actually want

Limos drinks and parties at the Playboy Mansion. Anyone

Been there

Done that

I’ve got stories that probably shouldn’t be told.

And you know what?

It’s not for me.

Some people live that lifestyle

it’s what they live for.

Truth of it is…

What makes me happy is the simple things in life

Living by the sea, going down to the arcades and chucking a few quid in and

eating my weight in fudge

#ballerAF

Yes, I do have luxuries.

I’ve got the bikes, the jet skis’ a cleaner, my meals prepped etc.

And each one of those things?

They make a difference for me.

You have to really take a moment to decide “Do I want this?” and keep going till you figure out exactly what you want out of life.

Otherwise you’re just chasing someone else’s dreams

Be Brutally Honest

Finally we reach the critical part

We don’t become the person that we could become.

We don’t get that body we want that life we want.

And we put up with far more than we should.

We find toxic people in our lives.

Energy vampires and time vampires draining you again and again.

We doubt ourselves on what we can achieve.

We don’t value, what we can do for others.

And we don’t charge the prices, that we should.

Not because of some ridiculous thought that everybody should charge high ticket or that you should get as much as you can from people.

But because, quite simply, most highly skilled, highly talented and most caring of us.

Always put ourselves behind others.

Then on top of it all.

We’ve lost our resilience.

You gonna get knocks you are going to get setbacks and sometimes you’re going to get handed your ass.

And the key is getting back up again, getting back into the ring, taking those hits and keep on going.

Because unfortunately.

What happens to so many good people is they get knocked down again and again.

Every time they seem to make some progress. Every time they seem to get something to work.

Boom.

It knocks them off track sets them back, and then they’ve got to get all of their energy and strength back to regroup in order to go again.

So it constantly feels like you’re taking one step forward and three steps back.

And no matter what you do, you simply just can’t get ahead.

Now, we come down to the critical part.

Because without this.

You just completely wasted your time.

You’re going to be wasting your time, day after day, week after week, month after month.

And your life is going to suck exactly way it currently does until you’re actually ready to do something about it.

Comfort makes us soft and accepting.

We don’t go for what we could achieve.

Then you see other people who aren’t so good.

They aren’t so smart they don’t give as much value.

They don’t create the same results but you could do feed those people

Yet they are steaming ahead, leaving you in the dust.

It’s just not fair they get it so easy.

They can put up the content and get a massive response.

They get all of the deals and opportunities and clients flocking to them.

They get to go on all the trips, have all of the experiences.

They get recognized with awards and PR.

And with the perfect body, the perfect relationship, and the perfect family on top of that.

While you’re there, just trying to keep up.

Trying to make things move in the right direction, and try and keep hold of some strand of sanity left.

Is it any wonder that you are sat there thinking, can I even do this?

Is it worth it?

Is it even possible for someone like me?

What the hell do I need to do to make a change?

Because you know, you’ve got something to offer this world.

Because you know you’re smart enough to make it happen.

Even if some parts of it confuse the hell out of you.

You know you’ve got all the right ingredients, but you just can’t make it work.

It’s not like you’ve not been trying.

It’s not like you’ve been going for it.

For months trying different things, learning different tools and strategies.

But you’re just not getting to where you want to be.

You’ve taken so many hits.

Just don’t know if you can take any more.

So you tell yourself you’re fine.

You’re okay.

You’ve got this

Especially when you’re in Facebook groups with other business owners of entrepreneurs who are all doing there thing, and everyone seems like they’re so far ahead of you.

So you stay blended.

Stay undercover,

Heaven forbid, anyone knew how you really feel.

You keep on trying.

You keep on plugging away.

Reading, learning, asking questions.

Hoping to finally discover the answer and everything suddenly going to click into place.

Truth is…

That ain’t happening.

Because, whilst you blended in telling yourself that everything’s okay.

You aren’t being honest with yourself, which means you’re not going to do the things you need to do.

You can tell yourself, you’re okay.

You can tell yourself you being productive.

Whilst you do – you’re going to avoid the things that matter at all costs.

Because those big scary things – you don’t even want to look at.

Until you get real with yourself and take a long hard look at the reality of your life.

You’re going to be stuck in exactly the same place that you are now

Nothing is going to change.

You may feel completely alone on this.

This is something that doesn’t come up for other people. It is not a challenge that they’re facing.

And I tell you now.

You’re wrong.

So many people face exactly the same struggles.

It’s not spoken about, because everyone has got that big fear of what happens if someone knows.

Massive imposter syndrome, massive self worth issues.

And because we are problem solvers -we like to do good, make a difference and fix things.

So, when it comes to us not being able to do that for ourselves.

It is so hard to talk about.

Through working with so many business owners over the years.

It’s something that has come up time and time again once I’ve cracked the nut and got to the heart of things.

In fact, in 2016 I got sick to death of seeing so many good people struggling and failing because they’re facing the exact same problem.

So, I did something about it.

That thing was G.R.I.T

A truly transformational training that cuts out all the bulllshit that’s keeping you stuck and gives you the smackdown you need to Get Shit Done and completely change the course of your life.

If you:

  • Feel like you are stuck in a rut
  • Have always felt like you could do more, but lack the push you need to do it
  • Having doubts about the choices and decisions you have made in life, and want to change but don’t know how
  • Feel lost with what you are doing, and need the equivalent of a kick up the ar*e and eventually an arm around the shoulder?

Then G.R.I.T. might be just what you need

4 days covering one ‘principle’ each day

G – grow some balls ovaries (a cold, hard look at facts and how to ‘toughen up’ and decide if you are on the right path)

R – Resistance and Resilience (how to overcome one, and develop the other)

I – Influence (how to create it, show it to your audience and become a figure of ‘authority’)

T – Tenacity (a practical ‘how to’ to get ALL the sh*t done in the next 30 days)

Fair warning – it’s absolutely brutal.

Full on rage-fulled Dan.

I can guarantee you won’t make it through all 4 days without feeling like you’ve took a freight train to your gut.

For some of you?

That’s EXACTLY what you need.

It ain’t sunshine and rainbows.

Because that is what’s keeping you stuck.

This is the harsh truth that’s finally gonna give you the kick up the ass and make those changes you’ve been talking about forever.

GRIT 1 was one of the best and most popular trainings I’ve offered – for good reason

Within DAYS of the original training we had

  • 3 people launch a business they have had in their mind for 6 months +
  • One person sell up their life and move, with family, for a dream they have wanted to follow
  • Multiple people give up smoking & drinking
  • Some wonderful humans creating better relationships with their family/kids/friends – as in as of NOW
  • According to the emails and PM’s I have received a cumulative total of (best rounded down) of around £45k in new sales and profit

Want some of that?

This is the link you need to get instant access: https://coffeewithdan.com/grit1

Little too brutal for you?

Two years after the recording of GIRT came GRIT The Evolution

At the core of my beliefs the philosophy of ‘GET SHIT DONE’ is still paramount

Yet the Dan behind those beliefs had evolved and become – I believe – a better person

Dan 2.0 if you want

Lessons had been learned.

Personal philosophies developed.

GRIT Evolution contains the same core principles delivered in a way that doesn’t tear you a new arsehole – lol

Click here to pick up G.R.I.T. Evolution: https://coffeewithdan.com/gritevolution

Whichever you choose you’re gonna finally break through the BS and get yourself unstuck once and for all.

So

Which is it gonna be?

DanM

Wirte, Blogger, Entrepreneur.

how to be f*cking awesome

BE F*CKING AWESOME, LIVE LIFE
ON YOUR OWN TERMS, MAKE A
DIFFERENCE, AND BE TRULY FULFILLED

#BEMOREDAN

SIMPLE WAYS TO BE MORE

F*CKING AWESOME
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